Being Out & About

Thursday night I made a triumphant return to my acting showcase in Sherman Oaks after nearly a year's absence and after hanging with my fellow thespians for a couple of hours, made my way back out to the gay scene to meet up with friends at The VIP Lounge above Tiger Heat in West Hollywood.

I got in line but was immediately moved to the front and then actually escorted to Jonathan Chang's booth. (Gotta love the star treatment Chang can dish!) Roman Heart is a host at the Lounge and it was great to visit with him briefly before he flitted off to other social demands of the evening. Bobby Trendy joined us later. Also on hand were pornsters Mario Cruz, Jason Hawke, Hans Ebson, Caleb Carter and Brandon Baker. At least those are the ones I could place. There are always at the very least a half dozen times during an evening that someone runs up to me and tells me how good it is to see me again and how we should hang out more often to which I can only smile and say, "Yes, it's been so very long!" having absolutely no clue whatsoever who they are. Constant readers will remember that it was only a short time ago I wouldn't leave my apartment to be social unless I was being paid at an event. This whole being out and about on my own thing is taking some getting used to. I was put at ease as soon as a more familiar face, my friend and near-therapist Angel Benton, showed.

At one point, some cute boy runs up to me, grabs my shoulders and screams, "Oh my God! You're Jason Sechrest! I love you!" Angel Benton's eyes widen and he gives me this look as if to say that I sure attract the crazies. And it's true. I do. Because I love them. Crazy people are great in the sack. So Crazy starts telling me about how he's heard my dick is big and something about how Erik Rhodes fucked the hell out of him and he wants me to do the same.

I'll admit it. Flattery that borders on worship makes me hard. So after a while, I grabbed his hand and put it on my crotch. He dropped to his knees, pulled it out and started sucking it. And why not? I have been a good boy and it has been over a month since I have had any sexual encounter whatsoever -- which truly is a record for me since 2001.

The whole thing lasted for maybe a minute and a half but like a fly that can smell shit from across the room, Jason Hawke appears out of nowhere and seems utterly fascinated by what's going down. So to speak. It was seriously like lighting flashed and Jason Hawke appeared next to me. I laughed, "Jason, I'm sure it's nothing you haven't seen before."

He says, "Well, I've never seen your COCK before!"

I gave Crazy my phone number -- because I make smart decisions! -- and Angel and I decided to head down to the dance floor where we found Caleb Carter and I had the honor of meeting Caleb's two lovely sisters. We dished a bit of gossip before Angel and I continued making the rounds.

Towards the end of the evening, Jason Hawke mentioned he might not be able to do my web show, The Young & the Curious, the following day due to a meeting with our mutual webmaster, Susie G. Only minutes after this, who walks into my life but Jayden Holloway, fresh off the bus having just moved to the Los Angeles area. He tells me he'd love to do the show and I walk out of the club a happy man having been adored, treated like a VIP, gotten gossip for my column and booked my show. These are among the reasons I should go out more in West Hollywood.

The following day, I had Jayden on my show along with Richelle Ryan, a new girl to the adult world and a new PR client of mine. (Look for a recap of their interviews soon on the News Desk.)After the show, Jayden invited us both to a taping of MAD TV he was heading to with his friend and roomie, pornstress Kinzy Joe. We eagerly accepted and didn't get out of there until around Midnight at which point the three of us headed to Pop Starz to drink and dance. Paris Bennett was there performing live and we hung out at the bar right next to Neil Patrick Harris which was especially exciting for the two of them as they don't come to Hollywood often and had mentioned they were anxious for a star sighting. I think Jayden even got a gander at Neil's dick at the urinals! Of course, the one night I don't bring my camera.

Jayden and I have a lot in common and we kind of developed a little crush on each other. We talked about going on a date but then we also talked about how he was shooting a gangbang the next morning and that kind of put things into perspective for me real quick. This whole "new me" thing is still such a process and I am learning I probably can't pull from the same pool when it comes to "dating" material. I think I should probably rule out the possibility of dating someone who has sex with other people for a living, as I'm looking for a monogamous relationship that involves sacrifice. And I would never want someone to change their career for me either. Jayden's a great catch though for the right guy and I am hoping we can at least become great friends, if not friends with benefits. After all, if I'm going to be having any sort of "hook up" these days, I would prefer it to be with a friend I actually care about instead of a total stranger.

In the meantime, Richelle has knighted me her new gay boyfriend and I could use that right now too! She has the most infectious laugh and is so freaking gorgeous. We're both into the same things when it comes to men so I think we will be trolling the bar scene looking for straight and gay men to corrupt in the near future. ;-)

Song of the Week: "Leather"

One of the larger kinks in the machinery I'm working on these days is my tendency to transfer myself to other people's state of mind, point of view, head space, what have you. Or what have they, as the case may be!

It's pretty much sudden death for any performer when they find themselves wondering how they sound to their audience or what the audience is thinking -- be it in writing, acting, singing or any form of entertainment.

Moreover, it's sudden death for all of us in our every day lives though we probably don't realize it. Every time we start wondering how we look in someone else's eyes, we're no longer living in our own bodies. We're in someone else's head instead of our own and that takes us out of living in the present altogether. It's a scary place to be too! Think about the people whose heads you place yourself in sometimes by doing this and ask yourself if their world is one you really want to be living in.

Unfortunately, upon this realization, many people mistake that selfishness is the answer, but don't be fooled into the black and white! You can be concerned for other people without being concerned with their opinions or thoughts of you.

So in addition to taking a different road in my personal life and in my career, it's not only at these forks but also in other people's heads that I find myself so often saying these days: "Why am I here? ...Hand me my leather."

It's Just Us Boys ...And Susie

It felt like coming out of hibernation last night to see and be seen in West Hollywood. After all, I was only in town 12 days in December and I haven't been out at all this year. But last night was the launch party for JustUsBoys.com's new print publication and it looks like they're going to be picking up my syndicated column (look for it to start in issue three) so my webmistress and best gal pal Susie G. and I toddled on up to show our support.

JustUsBoys really went all out on the arrivals. Even when there are red carpet interviews at an event in Weho, there's not usually a red carpet! But Angel Benton had the carpet and the drapes to match! A red carpet, a backdrop, a camera crew, professional light the whole nine yards! We did a quick interview before I rushed in to meet up with Brandon Baker and Rusty who I can't believe I haven't seen in over a month!

I spotted hung porn hottie Lex Sabre as well as director Ross Cannon who was quick to mention, in regards to my Trevor Knight column, "He HAS slept with everyone in West Hollywood ...except me for some reason!" Cybersocket editor and Cocktails with the Stars host Scott Boardman was also on hand. Jason Hawke arrived later, missing his red carpet opportunity but at least making an appearance as he is, after all, practically the face of JustUsBoys.com.

Jackie Beat hosted the evening and performed a couple of numbers. She is so talented! As a singer, as a comic, as a host. She is the total package. And so smart! So quick to come up with the shit she does off the top of her head. I know I was taking notes! I was really impressed and think I need to go check out her show at here Lounge one of these Monday nights.

Susie doesn't get the drag queen thing. She doesn't understand gay men wanting to watch drag queens perform if they don't like women to begin with. I tried explaining to her that gay men actually love women! They adore and worship women, in fact! They just don't want to have sex with them. "But then why are there some gay guys who when I walk into a club look like they want to tear out my vagina?" I told her, it has nothing to do with the vagina. That's just your typical gay judgmental once-over and they give that same look of disdain to anyone who walks through the door no matter what's between your legs unfortunately. Girls take everything so personally!

We hung out with our pal T-Ball for a bit and I chatted with Brandon about how excited we are that Kathy Griffin is going to be hosting The GayVN Awards this year. The boys of Randy Blue were performing throughout the evening and the drop dead gorgeous Blake Riley (who was just signed as an exclusive to Rascal Video - see my review of his debut, Knob Bobbin' on the News Desk) totally stole the show. He was sweet enough to run up and say hello to me for a bit and give me my hottest photo of the night so that I didn't have to stay until midnight to get a shot of his perfect ass. I tipped him a ten. I figured, hell, if one person joins my site to see that photo I've already made my money back, right?

On my way out the door, I ran into Keith Young, the Micky's bartender who I have to say looked better than I have ever seen him. Hands down. He looked amazing. Work done? Don't know. Didn't look like it. Just looked fresh, like he was living up to his name, ya know? Was great to see him.

I made a quick stop by Chi Chi LaRue's club, Dirty Deeds at Fubar, before walking home but managed to miss Tommy Blade throwing his legs up in the air and getting his hole eaten in the back room. From what I hear, that went down just minutes after I exited the premises. Go figure.

Home by midnight. No drinking. No sex. Still had fun. What has become of me?

And Now For Something Completely Different...

If you've had enough of the Tori covers, here's something a little more "gay" for you, Constant Reader.

In every sense of the word!

I performed "Don't Tell Momma" from the stage production of Cabaret at a benefit in Hollywood a couple of years ago. Someday I'll get around to putting together my own cabaret act like this.

Can you recognize the eye candy on stage?

Embracing Change

My friends and I have noticed we're all in the same boat lately when it comes to changing our environment -- that and those which we surround ourselves with on a daily basis. I found it so appropriate that a major part of The Kabbalah Centre's study of the Zohar for January 2007 illuminates this topic.

According the Zohar, this month is a time of embracing change and moving to the next step, the next chapter. This always involves some sort of risk, but what kind of risks are we supposed to take? The Zohar tells us we already know the answer to these questions thanks to our God given sense of Intuition.

I'm capitalizing that, Intuition, because I believe that is God working from within each of us. We already know what uncomfortable situations are going to help us to grow and which ones are going to stagnate that process.

Kabbalah teaches us that the more difficult road is almost always the one we should be on -- but what if both roads seem equally difficult and could help us to grow, right?

FOR THE FULL POST, VISIT JASON'S BLOG AT KABBALAHCURIOUS.COM:

Song of the Week: "Love Is All Around"

I am not much for reality television and since the art of the sitcom seems to be dwindling and I've seen every episode of every show on Nick At Nite (not to mention the fact that Cheers, Roseanne and Murphy Brown being aired there as "classics" makes me feel old), I have taken to DVDs for a fix. My flavor of the moment is The Mary Tyler Moore Show, a series that was playing on Nick at Nite when I was a teenager.

It's hard for me to believe that my mother watched this series on prime time as a pre-teen. Was it really only thirty years ago (I'm turning 30 in 3 years!) that there were no computers in a news room? That the evening news was written by typewriter and read by cue cards? Only 30 years ago that a woman being single and independent at the age of 30 could be considered "groundbreaking" and "taboo."

It makes me think about how the world has changed since I was a pre-teen and how very much can happen in just three decades.

What's most amazing about this series though is that despite being so obviously dated, it holds up so well. Because the writing wasn't "in your face" in regards the women's lib movement, one can even relate to Mary Richards leaving her man, striking out on her own, never settling for less and believing in herself enough to prompt random bouts of tossing her hat skyward. These storylines are timeless and you can always find yourself fitting comfortably into one of the characters' shoes.

So my song of the week is Sonny Curtis's "Love Is All Around," the theme to The Mary Tyler Moore Show, because every night that I sit down to dinner and watch an episode on DVD, I am filled with the same hope today that millions of women across America were filled with each time they heard the opening notes of this anthem.

It never fails to remind me that the town's still mine for the taking.

Love is all around. No need to waste it.

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"Idol" Criticism

First of all, let me just go on record as saying that the only reason to watch The View or better yet search for clips from the show on YouTube is to see who Rosie O'Donnell is going after today. She is such a breath of fresh air for television in calling it like she sees it without mincing words -- and what's more, without being mean-spirited!

This morning she apparently took on American Idol and as much as I love the show, I have to agree with her. The last two evenings of the new season six premiere were shocking in the hosts' brutality towards the contestants. It wasn't even funny, really. I found myself sitting there thinking, "What an awful reflection of Hollywood. I've never seen anyone treated like this in an audition."

I also thought to myself how horrendous to shatter these people's dreams by having the audacity to say, "This is not the career for you. You need to stop doing this." No one says that to you on an audition in Hollywood! They'd probably get shot! Or fired!

Worse yet were their attacks on physical appearance. And it's not just Simon! For the past two nights, all three hosts have made fun of the contestants' hair, their eyes, their weight -- everything! You know, there was a time when this show was about the art of singing and not about editing it into a "freak show."

I have had countless people tell me that I should audition for American Idol -- not because I would win, but because I'd get on the show and I might even get a ways into it. Especially with the Ryan Seacrest controversy of the show trying to sue me over using my real name, Sechrest. (That one still baffles me!) And I was actually considering auditioning for season seven! But after seeing these last two episodes, I don't know if I would want to submit myself to their tongues or their editing teams. These are not what "normal" auditions are like. This has become a veritable firing range and I give it up the tens of thousands of people across the country who had the strength to face them.

I don't know if I can support the show by watching it anymore, much less auditioning for it.

This morning, Rosie showed a clip of one contestant in particular, this poor kid who really gave it his best shot, but had a very different apperance; someone who has probably been teased about it all his life. Simon said to him, "You look a little odd. You look like one of those creatures that live in the jungle with those massive eyes. What are they called? Bush baby." The boy was brought to the verge of tears -- yet Paula and Randy burst into hysterics the second he leaves the room.

Rosie said, point blank: "So that's compassion for you, isn't it? Isn't that what America thinks is entertainment? To make fun of someone's physical appearance? And then when they leave the room, laugh hysterically at them? Three millionaires. One probably intoxicated."

Thank God for those who have the courage to say what pops into many of our heads just as quickly as we dismiss it.

What they're doing on that show these days... it ain't cool, folks. It's cruel.

It's Easy Being Green!

I don't think I need to lecture anyone on the importance of "living green." Simply put: If we don't take care of our environment now, our children's children won't be having children! So are you a caregiver when it comes to the Earth? Or are you just a taker?

Here's ten incredibly simple things we can do in the new year to help our planet. Ridiculously simple. I mean, sooo fucking simple. Even if you can't do all ten, doing any of them is better than doing none! So add some of these from Newsweek's latest Tip Sheet to your 2007 resolutions, if you will.

1. FEED THE BEES: Pesticides, pollution and habitat destruction are taking a toll on the birds and insects that pollinate about 80 percent of the world's food supply (or about one out of every three bites of food we eat), says Rose Getch of the National Gardening Association. To lend a helping hand, plant a pollinator garden. Yellow, blue and purple flowers will attract bees, while red and orange will attract hummingbirds. For more information, go to kidsgardening.com.

2. CLEAN UP NATURALLY: Household chemicals contribute to both in-door and outdoor pollution. This year, use more natural cleaners like the Greening the Cleaning line at your local Trader Joes, Whole Foods or even online at imusranchfoods.com. Or make your own using vinegar, baking soda and lemon juice! For some great tips on green cleaning, go to eartheasy.com.

3. DITCH YOUR JUNK: Not only is junk mail annoying, it kills trees. Do yourself -- and the forests -- a favor by getting off the mailing lists of companies you don't support. You can contact the firms yourself, or check out subscription services like greendimes.com or 41pounds.org that promise to lighten your junk-mail load. For more information: thegreenguide.com.

4. AIR YOUR LAUNDRY: Make like Grandma and line-dry your clothes once in a while. It not only saves money, but also decreases your yearly carbon- dioxide emissions. Likewise, run your washer on cold whenever possible -- and use it only when it's full.

5. RECYCLE YOUR GADGETS: Don't clog landfills with old electronics. If you're dumping a computer, manufacturers like Dell, HP and Apple offer recycling options. Or consider donating. The National Cristina Foundation (cristina.org) will hook up your old PC or Mac with a nonprofit organization. Drop off your old cell phone at your local Staples store as part of a Sierra Club recycling effort (sierraclub.org/cellphones/). To find a drop-off center for rechargeable batteries and cell phones, check out the nonprofit Call2Recycle program at rbrc.org. Take advantage of community resources like hazardous-waste pickup or e-waste recycling events.

6. CUT THE LIGHTS: Trade your old incandescent light bulbs for compact fluorescent ones, says Jenny Powers of the Natural Resources Defense Council. They use about 70 percent less energy than regular bulbs and last 10 times longer. For help in picking the best bulb for your needs, go to energystar.gov. Also, plug all your major electronics into a power strip, suggests eco-lifestyle expert Danny Seo, author of "Simply Green Giving" ($19.95; HarperCollins). Appliances and e-gadgets use electricity even when turned off, but flicking the switch on the power strip when you leave the house effectively unplugs them. Finally, check with your local utility company to see if it offers a "green power" option for its customers. Though that might cost slightly more, it's one way of supporting renewable energy sources, such as solar or wind power. The U.S. Department of Energy provides comprehensive "green power" info at eere.energy.gov/green power.

7. EAT YOUR VEGGIES: Have a meatless Monday. According to the Cambridge, Mass., environmental-advocacy group the Union of Concerned Scientists, meat production is energy-inefficient, sucking up a lot of natural resources. In fact, it takes about 16 pounds of grain to produce one pound of beef. "You don't have to be a vegetarian -- just take a break once or twice a week," says group president Kevin Knobloch. "If everyone tried to do something that simple, it could have a huge environmental effect." And when you're shopping for that food, think local. It's more fuel-efficient (your food didn't have to travel thousands of miles to get to your table), and you're boosting the local economy. Use the search engine at localharvest.org to find farms, markets and other food sources in your area. And, of course, bring a reusable cloth bag to the market so you don't have to take the plastic ones.

8. SAVE A TREE: According to the folks at stopglobalwarming.org, the paper industry is the third largest contributor to global warming. If every U.S. household replaced one toilet-paper roll with a roll made from recycled paper, 424,000 trees would be saved. If every household in the United States bought recycled napkins instead of virgin-fiber napkins, we could save a million trees. If the thought of recycled paper doesn't do it for you, plant a tree. According to the National Arbor Day Foundation, the net cooling effect of one healthy tree is equivalent to 10 room-size air conditioners operating 20 hours a day. You can go to arborday.org to find out which trees will do well in your ZIP code. If you don't have any room to plant, hundreds of eco-organizations have tree-planting projects. All you have to do is donate money.

9. TURN ON THE TAP: Instead of spending big bucks on bottled water, drink the stuff that comes from your faucet. The reason? "It takes a lot of oil to make and ship those bottles, and once they're empty, most wind up in landfills or as litter," says Jen Boulden, cofounder of the online environmental community idealbite.com. If you're squeamish (Americans really do have some of the best tap water in the world), buy a water filter. For comparisons, go to waterfiltercomparisons.net.

10. FIND AN ECO-DATE: There was the metrosexual. Then the retrosexual. Now there's the ecosexual. So if one of your goals is to find that special, ecofriendly someone in 2007, check out social-networking communities like Vegan Passions (veganpassions.com), Earth Wise Singles (ewsingles.com), Green Singles (greensingles.com) or Green Passions (green-passions.com). Because two recyclers are better than one.


...I'm going to start doing numbers 2, 3, 8 and 9. What about you?

Song of the Week: "Something's Coming"

This is possibly one of the greatest concert openings in history as Barbra Streisand and the talented young Lauren Frost, portraying Streisand as a child, duet on the song "Something's Coming" from the musical West Side Story.

This clip is from the Timeless concert that Streisand performed on New Year's Eve, ringing in the new millenium and the year 2000.

It's a living testimony of making your dreams come true as the young Streisand fantasizes about being the Streisand of today that stands before her on stage urging, "Keep listening to that voice inside. Something great IS coming."

Directed, of course... by Barbra Streisand.

"I've got a feeling there's a miracle coming."

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Add Me!

I'm all over the web these days! Here's a few more places you can catch me...

KABBALAHCURIOUS.COM: On January 1st, I started up the Kabbalah Curious blog again where you can read about the latest in my own personal spiritual study as well as forecasts for the world at large!

XPEEPS.COM: I am new over at XPeeps, which is supposed to be the adult version of MySpace! If you have a profile over there, be sure to hit me up for a "friends add" at: http://www.xpeeps.com/member.php?u=370232

DLIST.COM: I am new over at DList too! Both my DList and MySpace profiles carry an abbreviated version of my personal "Diary" -- found in full with photos, videos and more at JasonCurious.com. If you're a D-Lister like me, add my profile here: http://www.dlist.com/jsechrest

...And Still More Hope

While it may feel better to get out of bed in the morning than it has since I was 20, and while I may be filled with more hope and optimism for what's right around the corner than ever before, I had an interesting conversation online the other night that reminded me there's still even more I should be expecting from the world at large.

I was in a chat room and there was this 20 year old who had been in a four-year relationship and was looking to date instead of "hook up," hoping to find a real partner. Granted, I only just turned 27, but for some reason I found the entire thing a little laughable.

After talking for a while, he expressed interest in dating me and I told him I would be very wary of that. I told him that, as I saw it, every boy needed to go through a phase of being "independent" and being "single" and maybe even being a "whore" so that you can sow your wild oats and get those things out of your system; otherwise, you're going to constantly be tempted and wonder what it would be like!

He, of course, disagreed entirely saying that he was only interested in love and would never need to go through a phase like that to "settle down."

I chalked it up to naievity and explained it to him like this: It's like when a mother has her child at a really young age. She's always going to wonder what her life would have been like if she had done it differently, right? If she could be free?

He said, "Um, not neccessarily. What if the child was the best thing that ever happened to her and she would never imagine wanting her life to be any different?"

I could only think of one thing to say.

"Oh."

I was stumped! He was right!

I was projecting. Just because I needed to go through that phase doesn't mean everyone else needs to go through it. And to assume that just because someone is younger than me and less experienced that they are going to cheat on me or that I will not be enough for them is not only pessimistic but self-deprecating!

I threw my hands in the air and realized in that moment I must've been just so far gone all these years to have let that voice in the back of my head that says, "Well, that will never work!" take hold of my entire being.

As far as I have come and as optimistic as I feel, there's still a whole lot of "assuming" and judgment based in fear.

Eh, it's a process. Not beating myself up. Just found it amusing.

"Beauty Queen/Horses"

After my last Tori cover, I had a request from someone on YouTube to take a crack at this song.

The "Beauty Queen" portion of this one is about someone who is oblivious to their own beauty, inner and outer. The self confidence of this gal is at an all-time low. She's got some serious demons to face and to go into that darkness she hops onto the "Horses" that take her into that black night.

The brilliant thing about Tori Amos's composition of the song is that you can actually hear the hoof steps in the keys that leads to this rhythmic galloping. The music here really tells the story, not just the lyrics. And when you inhabit that character and walk into the song, it's like you can actually ride on it. It takes you, you don't take it.

The camera went in and out of focus at certain moments and oddly enough it's at all the right moments, like someone was directing it or something. It adds to it. There's also a misty look that wasn't my intention, like riding through the fog.

P.S.: First time on camera without lighting or makeup. lol... I told you things are changing!

Song of the Week: "I Am Changing"

Am I the only one who was disappointed by Dreamgirls?

It's a fine film, but it's no Chicago. Hell, it's not even Evita.

My biggest complaint with the movie is that it is incredibly inconsistent in working the songs into the storyline. There are musicals like Meet Me In St. Louis where people randomly burst into song and then there are musicals like Cabaret where all of the music takes place where music usually takes place -- on a stage, recording studio, etc. But to go back and forth between the two leaves a movie going audience feeling very confused and that's why this particular musical didn't translate as well from the stage to the screen. It impairs what is called the "willful suspension of disbelief" and we're no longer buying that this is really happening. Suddenly, we realize, "Oh. We're watching a movie." And that is sudden death for any film.

The script was fine, but poorly executed by the director and I didn't feel like I really cared about any of the characters at all -- with the exception, of course, of Jennifer Hudson and Eddie Murphy. If you're a fan of musicals, they are worth seeing the movie for, but I would suggest waiting for the DVD so long as you have surround sound. I found myself just waiting for the next time Hudson would appear on the screen. Her voice made the hair on my arms literally stand up!

Anyway, with my last diary entry titled "Things Have Changed," I figured this was an appropriate pick for Song of the Week.

All those years of darkness can leave a person blind.

Carrie Fisher's "Wishful Drinking"

Tonight I had the distinct pleasure of being in the same room, not to mention up close and very personal, with my first ever celebrity crush. I was four or five when I started wishing it was me Princess Leia was kissing "for luck." Of course, I was also wishing I was kissing Luke Sykwalker. And this has always been a moment of reference in my life as the first bisexual feelings I can remember having. So when Carrie Fisher in her new one-woman show, Wishful Drinking, talks about how many men she has turned gay -- maybe she had that affect on me as well.

Fisher might not hang out all of the dirty laundry in Wishful Drinking, but she hangs out enough to shock and thoroughly entertain with her consistently sardonic wit and self-deprecating humor. For those of you who don't know, Fisher has become quite the prolific writer since the hair buns, penning hilarious novels like Surrender the Pink and screenplays like the semi-autobiographical Postcards from the Edge. She has a way with words that is uniquely her own, very tongue in cheek and always big on the sarcasm. No wonder the gays love her!

Star Wars fans will be happy with the stage that sets her amongst the stars in a galaxy far, far away. She even dons the buns at one point and gives a few of her most famous speeches from the trilogy. But these are by no means the highlights of Wishful Drinking. Her anecdotes regarding her marriage to Paul Simon, her alcoholism, addiction, mental illness and family tree (for which she employs the use of a blackboard to chart) are somehow more hilarious than heartbreaking. "It's funny NOW!" she'll randomly throw out several times during the evening.

The only true heart wrenching and humorless moment of the show is when she details her battle with manic depression. She specifically cites sexual promiscuity, self indulgence and having a plethora of well intentioned projects that never get past begun as what she calls the many "gifts" this can bring and therefore Wishful Drinking must be quite a triumph to have made it to the stage, much less an extended run. She explained that when the tide is in, there is no better feeling in the world where no one could possibly be better than you or more confident, but that when the tide is out, it becomes that which dare not speak its name because if you talk about it, you're scared shitless you may in fact lose your mind.

But, true to Fisher style, she picks up with a jab at herself and a song at her side as she works numbers like "Happy Days Are Here Again" and "The Man I Love" into the act.

My friend Sean Lewis (see my MySpace top 24) was kind enough to get us fourth row center seats and I sat next to Robert Osbourne, the face of Turner Classic Movies. I, of course, being the total nerd that I am who stays home on Fridays and Saturday nights to watch Turner Classic Movies, immediately recognized him as the host who comes on before each film and gives a great bit of background and "did you know" trivia. Sometimes he has a "wrap up" post movie classic as well. "I am always so disappointed when you don't come back after the movie," I told him. He was extra kind and during the intermission kept involving me in conversation with his "lady friend." We talked about how much we love Fisher's dry, intelligent sense of humor and how much we adore the film Postcards from the Edge, his favorite scene being Shirley MacLaine pouring the alcohol into her morning fruit blend. "It's the kind of movie you can see on television at any time and not be able to turn away from it," he said. We both agreed that was much in part due to Fisher's script... which is much in part due to her life.

Wishful Drinking is currently in an extension of its debut run at The Geffen Theater in Los Angeles. Go see it in its final week before it closes and keep an eye out for a possible tour near you.

Things Have Changed

Things have changed.

It's a little frightening actually. Who is this person?

There are mornings I wake up and I have no idea who this person is. But I love him so much and that's a first for me.

- Somewhere, somehow, someone convinced me that there's no such thing as a monogamous gay relationship. That the idea of going behind someone's back and doing something you shouldn't is too hot to resist. This is not true! There are plenty of people repulsed by the mere thought of hurting someone they love. Not everyone is so selfish.

- I am a gentleman at heart, especially when it comes to relationships. I am my father's son. I may smack you around and spit on you in the bedroom, but I want to open the door for you at dinner and bring you a flower when I pick you up. I want to give selflessly (as I did in my last relationship, even!) because where I'm pulling from, I have an endless supply. I'm not afraid of running out of what I've got to give.

- Condoms. I'm using them. And I like using them! I like not using them too, don't get me wrong! LOL... I'm not going for sainthood. But health and self-preservation have become more important to me than self-indulgence now that I believe in my future.

- Adult entertainment has become like a 9 to 5 for me. It's work. And I love the family and I love the people and I love the work. But it isn't what I came here to do and it isn't what I want to do with the rest of my life. As a side business? Directing, producing? Keeping my company and site alive? Perhaps. But I have more to give as an artist (actor, musician, writer -- even director, maybe) than the audience here is willing to receive. It's like going to an Adam Sandler comedy and getting a foreign film instead. And you may well like both Adam Sandler comedies AND foreign films! But the bottom line is, the foreign film ain't what you came to see.

- These days, I believe what I feel in my heart to be true instead of what I see around me. This got beat out of me at some point. I started hearing, "Well, can you name one relationship where... ?" "Well, can you think of one person who has succeeded at... ?" Physical reality can kiss my ass. Because it ain't reality in my book. And any scientist, philosopher or priest will tell you the same thing. Laws and "reality" are meant to be broken. Example: Gravity to Airplane.

- I have always been the kind of person who says, "I don't have anything to prove to anyone. I can accomplish anything by myself and I don't need anyone's help." Fuck that. I have a lot to prove in the way of my talent and I am going to need friends, an agent, a support system, a good break, etc. to make things happen for me. I haven't even scratched the surface of what I'm capable of and that's something I have to prove not only to the world, but to myself.

- People change. And when they become something that is no longer healthy for you to be around, you cherish the person you knew and you let this new stranger go with love and without judgment. Or sometimes it's just you that changes! And that requires a re-evaluation and letting go as well.

- Worth. I deserve a real "partner," my ideal Selfless Gentleman and Private Whore. (And that's not expecting perfection. It's expecting someone to give it their all.) I deserve to be starring in the next Spielberg film because I'm certainly as good if not better than some of the actors in his last one. I deserve friends who aren't half enemies. (And they exist!) I deserve better than a one night stand. (And if it's gonna be a one night stand, it better be something ridunkulously hot! haha No more of this shit, "Oh well, at least he has a nice butt.") I deserve to be healthy. I deserve money. I deserve sleep. I deserve all my dreams coming true. And if for some reason they're not in my cards, I can go to my death bed saying, "I never lost sight of the dream and what I was worth..." If I don't believe in what's possible with all of my being, how can I ever expect any of it to come true?

The dark cloud has been lifted. I suddenly realize that last year was like... growing pains. I may be single, broke and overwhelmed with work, but I've never been happier to be alive in my life.

Fortune Cookie

BE MODERATE WHERE PLEASURE IS CONCERNED. AVOID FATIGUE.

Here I Am

Constant Reader, DeWayne in SD, had this to say after my last blog entry and I thought it was so poignant, it was worth posting. Of course, my response was worth posting too! lol... Anyway, it's just a great definition for where I'm at in my life right now and I wanted to put it here in the "Diary" so I'll always remember it.

DeWayne sez: "I don't want to be a boy anymore. I want to be a man." Amazing Jason I think at 27 you are at just about where I was at age 34! Gay men mature at different ages (and yeah some of us never grow up) I think you have had the "epiphany" we all get at some point after f**king one to many guy's, too many mornings where you cant remember how you got home & who the hell is that guy in my bed! Yeah at some point we have to grow up but you know what Jason I don't apologize for my "crazy" years! I do regret anyone I may have hurt but I loved the sex,the drugs,the booze everything. It’s just after awhile I liked it less & less each year till at one point I told myself "look if you keep this up your going to kill yourself from naked hedonism!" So does this mean I’m on a straight & narrow path? Hell no it means 3 or 4 time s a year I have a real crazy relapse ,I make a long weekend of it, I prove to myself I can still party & f**k like the younger guy's, I have a hell of a time and then I get it out of my system. Jason this was the year I really started to pay attention to you and this was somewhat of a hellish year for you. But you got thru it, you sound like you know what went wrong, what you intend to change. I think the "Smart" Jason has just spoken up and told "Party" Jason Hey I have an interest here, I can get hurt, we need some self control. I think 2007 will be a "good" year for you Jason and I wish you All The Best this year! Dewayne

Jason sez: I may actually do an entirely separate blog just about your response because you hit the nail on the head, really. I couldn't have explained it better. Only difference is, it's not really that I'm worried about hurting MYSELF, as much as I am worried about hurting the people around me. I believe there is someone out there for me and what if I got something that then I could pass onto that person or that they would just have to deal with? Or how about family? Putting them through the hell of watching me be sick? I just think it's selfish and I don't know why I didn't see that before. And it's not that I'm not into living for the moment anymore, it's just that the "moment" is not all there is and to live in it is NOT to indulge in it, those are two very different things. I just don't want to lead such a selfish and self-indulgent existence any longer. I've felt this change coming for a while and needed to eradicate certain selfish and self-indulgent individuals who were adding fuel to that fire. For some reason, until now I just didn't see how it might affect people in my future. Because I HAVE a future. And to deny that I do and live ONLY for the moment, I may as well kill myself when the moment is up because spiritually, that's what I'm doing. I'm killing off the energy/potential of my future by acting as though it doesn't or might not exist. And no, I would never, ever regret those years nor would I tell anyone they shouldn't go through them. It's all part of the journey. And I have no intention of sainthood by any means. lol... I will have my wild nights! My perspective and priorities have just changed. Anyway, you really hit the nail on the head, hon. Took the words right out of my fucking mouth. xo L, J.