Adore Adore

I don't like a lot of male singers because I feel so many of them, well -- so many men in general really, are shut off emotionally or don't know how to access their intrinsic goodies. I call it my "control panel." I was really blessed, being both gay and an actor perhaps, to have full access to my control panel at all times. I know what I'm feeling when I'm feeling it, I know how to dive in and find out what it means and what makes me tick and I don't have any problems facing down the good, the bad and the ugly of what makes me who I am. I also know how to manipulate that control panel and be who I need to be at certain times and places. A lot of people don't have that ability. And men, straight men especially, as artists, even their love songs, they'll often sing it but not allow themselves to feel it. Female singer/songwriters are much more focused on what's happening internally and telling a story. I can relate to that so much more.

But there are a few dudes out there who have the keys to their heart enough to lay it out in the palm of their hand for us when they record. There is a new artist named Yoav whose first album hit shelves this week and for anyone who is a fan of the artists I often feature as my "Theme Songs of the Week" here and on my MySpace page, you're going to want to eat this boy up with a spoon. He really knows how to tell a story and make you think.

There is this song called "Adore Adore" and it has me waxing philosophical these days about what life would be like without idol worship and adoration; if we just castrated it from our internal vocabulary all together. It seems to me that this need we all have to look at someone as being "more" than we are is one of our greatest downfalls. Whether it's how we view celebrities or even just people we're attracted to, the idea of looking at someone and thinking they are "more" or "greater" puts them, in your head, on a different plane than the one you're standing on. And that's pretty sickening when you think about it, huh? And it's pretty dark how much all of us do it. It's like giving yourself up when you think about it, giving up a piece of your soul everytime you create this hierarchy of humanity in your head of who is better than you and who is lesser.

Imagine the one person -- it's probably someone you've never met sadly -- who you've always thought was the coolest person in the world. That one artist or celebrity or porn star or whatever that you've completely adored. Imagine all that you feel about them and for them.

And now imagine if you felt all of that for yourself.

"I've got so many names, let Lucifer Long Tails suffice.
So many faces, so many devices
In the sweet smile of the talk show host
To the suicide celebrity ghost... that's me.
The ace in the hole of America's hole,
I'm Adore Adore. Bow down before.
A star is born. You start to fall down on your knees and adore me."


Song of the Week: "Adore Adore" - Yoav, Chamed and Strange
See his MySpace page at: http://myspace.com/yoavmusic

Get your own Flash MP3 Player

Never Seen Blue

I had the camera all set up for our "JC TV Live" with Tristan Mathews on Friday and it turns out he didn't show. I hope he's okay, as it is Sunday and I still haven't heard word one from him. (Usually when someone flakes, I at least get a call, a lame excuse and an apology. You know, so they're not seen as UNRELIABLE. lol) He was supposed to do the live solo show for JasonCurious.com and then appear as a guest on The Jason Sechrest Show talk show to promote his latest projects later in the evening.

Anyway, the camera and lighting was already set up and I was all made up for JSS, so I figured take advantage of the hour.

It's no naked Tristan. But hey... not every day can be naked Tristan day.

Jason's Walk

I'll never be able to tell you why but it has been so important for me in my life to become best friends with my parents. Some people have a "parent-child" relationship with their mom and dad and for some reason, maybe because they were so young when I was conceived and we grew up together, I have always felt so much more like their best friend for life. They were disciplinary and they were all things authority, but there was always something above that. There was friendship, the kind where you could tell each other anything. As I've grown up, it has taken a lot on my part to keep that kind of openness and honesty without anyone disowning each other -- but for some reason it's been so important to me that we keep that. That they remain my best friends.

Family in general has always been important to me. Someone told me a few weeks ago that they'd read somewhere your earliest memory is indicative of how you view the world. The very first thing I can remember is being two years old, sitting at the head of what then seemed like an enormous dining room table filled with family, all of whom were cheering for me as a big chocolate cake was brought out and I was encouraged to make a wish and blow out the candles. I was the first nephew, the first grandson, the first and only child. So the earliest feelings I can remember are feeling absolutely adored. And I suppose, yes that has extended to how I view the world: Family is important. I have an unhealthy fondness for dining room tables. (When Mikey moved out over a year ago and took his, the gaping space where it was nearly destroyed me until my mom came and replaced it with my own. It wasn't until then that I felt I could even breathe again.) And of course, chocolate cake is love, it's good to feel adored and I have lived at certain times in my life only to hear the sound of applause.

It has been utterly imperative for me not only to have my parents love and support, but to have them agree with my chosen lifestyle, profession, sexuality... I guess you could say my path in general, and for me to agree with theirs. This has been nearly impossible due to the fact that all three of us -- my mother, my father and I -- lead extremely different lifestyles. In fact, I think the approval I have sought from everyone in my life, from boyfriends to you Constant Reader, has stemmed from that. In fact, I don't "think," I know that now.

Something changed over the holidays. Something wonderful for me. I wish there was some storyline or chain of events leading to it that could better explain it for you, but I think it's just something that happens over time maybe. Like everything we want in life, it comes to us only when it is ready to and it often takes it's damned precious time in getting there.

Something just clicked. I sat there on the couch at my father's in Indiana just sort of staring around the house, the television blaring, my step-brother playing on the floor, my step-mother cooking in the kitchen... and as I saw my dad in the corner getting his music together for church the next day, it suddenly dawned on me that everything the man had lived in his life, all of the experiences that made him who he is today, none of them are things that I had lived. The many miles he has walked have been on a path that isn't anyone's but his. I felt this sort of electric jolt that showed me for less than a second everything he had lived through and everything it made him feel and I knew then that if I had lived his life I would be where he is, sitting in that corner getting music together for church with a boy on the floor playing and a woman in the kitchen cooking. And I also knew that if he had lived mine, he might very well be where I am.

We all have our own path. My mantra these days seems to be: We share the ground, but not the road. I hear that in my head over and over. We all come from the same place and we all live in the same place and these are the ties that bind, but the path each of us walk is only for us. I had for too long in my life tried to walk another person's road or make someone walk mine in order to gain their approval. It all stopped in what felt like an instant.

I no longer needed my parents approval and it was like in a horror movie where you kill the head zombie and the rest turn back to human form. They were the big ones. When I no longer needed their approval, I felt this huge weight (almost literal) taken from my shoulders and I didn't need any other person's either.

Oddly enough, my own personal walk with God grew stronger from this I feel. There is an absolute certainty now that there is only one authority in my life and that only I have access to that authority for me. I've got the telephone number and it's within me. It's a direct line and it's right here. And from that knowledge, all the bars are raised now. It's a clear signal.

My parents will always be my best friends and I will always need and have their love and support as they will have mine. So many of their qualities are my own, be it genetically or just from how I was raised. But I find these days that with each person, there is a third parent and it is that of the self.


Song of the Week: "Scarlet's Walk" - Tori Amos

"What do you plan to do with all your freedom?"
the new sherrif said, quite proud of his badge.
"You must admit the land is now in good hands."
Yes, time will tell that. You just lift your lamp, leaving Terra...



What do you plan to do with all your freedom?

Too Far?

So apparently when you type my name into the Yahoo! search engine it says, "Try Also: Tori Amos."

Yeah. It says to Try Also: jason sechrest actor, jason curious, jason sechrest jason curious ... and tori amos.

Whoa.

Not adult. Not singing. Not Brent Corrigan.

But Tori Amos.

Mmm hmm. Okay, I may have carried this obsession a bit too far.