ABNORMALLY ATTRACTED TO SIN: Track 1 - Welcome To England

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Do Grown Ups Have Best Friends?

I saw the movie Superbad this weekend and, while I did find it an utterly hilarious coming of age movie, I also found it extremely touching. At heart, I think the movie is about two best friends who realize they have become so attached to each other that it has stunted their growth, socially and internally.

Michael Cera (who I love from Arrested Development) says at one point, "I'm tired of you holding me back."

I said that to my best friend once. I've said it to a couple of them in my life.

It got me thinking a lot about "best friends."

There is a built-in co-dependency to that kind of friendship -- the two who spend every day together, share all their secrets only with each other and miss each other when one goes away for a long weekend.

I had one of those for a few years in high school. I had another one for seven years here in Los Angeles.

It's weird that I would see the movie this weekend because I was at my hairdresser's on Friday -- where all good strolls down memory lane occur -- and she said to me how much I've grown up in the past couple of years. I kind of stared off into space for a long while before finally being able to form the words, "It still sucks what I had to give up for that to happen."

I gave up my best friend and, like at the end of Superbad, we found a whole world that existed outside of each other and we found ourselves there.

I don't think grown ups have best friends like that.

My webmistress is one of the people closest to me and probably gets the trophy for longest-running friend. She is about ten years my senior and I seem to recall her saying something like this to me many, many years back, about how she "doesn't do best friends." Like most things that come out of her mouth, it often takes me many years to actually understand.

I've started thinking about my friends who are in their 30's and 40's, my family and friends of my family. I'm sure they all had that kind of Superbad "best friend" when they were younger, but now instead of one friend they do everything with, they seem to have a group of friends. And if you ask any of them who their "best friend" is, it's their boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife.

My last long-term boyfriend happened to be someone I'd been best friends with for five years before we fell in love. I had wanted that since I was in high school actually when I fell for a girl who was my best friend. I was never able to understand, even at that young age, why anyone would want anything less than the person they want to spend every day of their life with. That should be your partner! People tried talking me out of that concept for years and at times, I let them.

I don't know though, it seems to be something the rest of the world learns at 30.

Everytime I have let go of my co-dependent Superbad friendships (which I have no desire of ever having another of, please note), I have found the world to be bigger than I thought and found myself with more friends than I ever dreamed of having.

But I do miss having that one best friend.

Which I think really means I miss having a partner.

And at age 28, what is, after all, the difference?

Song of the Week: "Come Saturday Morning" - Liza Minnelli

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...But we will remember long after Saturday's gone.

My Top Ten Songs of the Moment ...And Why!

The bad news is I have been sick in bed with bronchitis for days and I can't seem to break this fucking fever.

The good news is that it means I will have a lot of time in bed and at the computer over the course of the next couple of days to get a lot of work done.

One of the things I've been meaning to catch up on is the "Song of the Week" posts. Last year, I used a song each week to reflect where I was at that moment. At times, the song was able to convey how I was feeling better than I could and in a more clandestine manner too, rather than divulging the full details of my private life and exposing the people therein. It worked quite nicely, I thought! But this year, I've let it get away from me over the past ten weeks so I'm catching up with...

My Top Ten Songs of the Moment ...And Why!

* Listen to the songs on the MP3 player below!

1. Ding! Dong! The Witch Is Dead - Barbra Streisand & Harold Arlen

This is the first song I ever sang at The Other Side. I retired it for a while because I thought it wasn't working and then brought it back out recently after realizing I needed to be singing it whole step up. I love opening the night with this song and particularly this jazzy arrangement that took James Lent and I a while to get down since there is no sheet music for it. There's such a sense of celebration in this song and that is definitely how I feel these days. Like the dark times have passed and I've conquered a lot of the "witches" and "demons" that had been haunting me for a long time.

2. The Velvet Rope - Janet Jackson

The comeback of Janet Jackson sent me into my archives looking for what I felt was her strongest album and certainly her most introspective, The Velvet Rope. I made a mistake in my past relationships of trying to be a better person for them instead of just being a better person for me. This song inspires me to chip away at the bullshit and find the best version of myself hidden beneath all the gunk.

3. Take To The Sky (Live 2008) - Tori Amos

This track reached new heights on Tori's last tour. Anytime I'm feeling judged or disliked, this song becomes my anthem.

4. What About Today? - Barbra Streisand

This isn't a very famous song of Barbra's and in fact I think it was her worst selling album to date, but I find it inspirational. I'm all about not waiting around these days. I used to think that once I had financial security or a loving partner or whatever that I would be happy. But why wait to be happy? Things don't make you happy. You make you happy. On that same token, I'm not waiting until I get to Carnegie Hall to give the performance of my life. I'm giving it today. Or else I'll never get there. Why wait? It's all about today for me these days.

5. Diamond Dogs - David Bowie

I wanted this to be my Song of the Week when I went to San Francisco with the Rentboy crew. This song always makes me think of them. They are truly the diamond dogs. And all I can do when I'm around them is bow wow, woof woof.

6. Distractions (Live) - Sia

There's been a lot of talk about a singer named Sia lately since she came out of the closet. This is one of her early songs from when she was with the band Zero 7. "I love you, I do. I only make jokes to distract myself from the truth."

7. Come In From The Rain (Live) - Liza Minnelli

Melissa Manchester wrote this song for Liza Minnelli, but she didn't have a recording contract at the time so she told Melissa to record it herself and it became a huge hit for her. I prefer Minnelli's version, of course. It has become a favorite at The Other Side, probably because I can't sing it without choking up. The song is about an old friend, but it's now become an old friend to me itself.

8. A Sleepin' Bee - Barbra Streisand

Never has a song more appropriately defined how I see love than A Sleepin' Bee. I don't know if that's such a good thing, but I do know it's one of the greatest songs ever written. There is a real optimism in the song and a fierce desperation to make this new person be "the one." No matter how many times I wind up with my face in the mud, I've never become bitter or jaded. Not when it comes to love. I give my heart away very easily. It's hard to find nice people these days. When someone treats you like a gentleman should, how are you not supposed to fall?

9. Harry and Sandy (Demo) - Dale Sechrest

Another love song. My father wrote and recorded this song about two friends who spent so much of their lives together but never realized they were meant to be more than friends. Some days I find the story tragic. Other days, I feel like I know where Harry and Sandy were coming from.

10. Has Anyone Ever Written Anything For You? (Live) - Stevie Nicks

This is Stevie's swan song to the men she has loved in her life. Stevie Nicks must be over 60 years old and she has everything from multiple homes to Hall of Fame awards to a fan base that still gives her sold out concerts. Yet she remains single and never married. She has said that it devastates her that it didn't work out with the men in her life, but that she realizes now she was meant to be married to her career and give birth to her music. While I hope that's not the end of my story, I can relate to it these days. I'm courting two careers at the moment and one of them I will end up married to. It can get lonely though. Especially in the most crowded rooms.

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