30 Days Has September...

The sun is beginning to set over West Hollywood and I'm looking back on this 30 day journey with a mixture of pride, focus and trepidation towards the future. The colors are more vibrant. The days, they last longer. My creativity is at an all-time high. My ambition is that of when I first stepped off the plane to L.A. at 18.

...A month of absolute sobriety can do a lot for you.

I was never a raging lush or addict by any means, but I did indulge and partake in a bit more than I became comfortable with. Everything has it's time and place and as someone who runs several businesses for a living, partying really shouldn't be at the top of one's weekly "To Do" list.

Since I didn't really have a problem to begin with, it wasn't so much the sobriety itself that has made a difference in the way I see things, but moreover the self-discipline that has become a huge source of empowerment for me. Living intentionally, remaining in control, managing myself like I manage my boys really. Challenging myself really reminds me of my strength and it's something I need to do more of in every aspect of my life. If my blog is too easy to write, I need to make it harder to give something more entertaining and even more fun to the people reading it, for example!

That's not to say the haze being gone hasn't provided a lot of clarity as well. I think a lot of things that were wrong in my life or a lot of things I could have been doing better were more easily dismissed in that haze. I don't like that. I don't want things to be easily dismissed. I want to work at my optimum level.

So... why ever touch anything mind altering again?

Same reason I had before. I never did it to run from anything or to supress myself. I do it because it's fun. And because, in moderation (key words!) parties with friends can be a true bonding experience.

...And because there will always be that Liza within me that just loves being a complete and total mess. ;-)

It is, however, merely one dimension, one of many personalities I have within me. I would like to start sharing more of myself with the people I love and the people who love me and I think I've begun doing that this month with a lot of people in my life. You all know who you are. What I've shared with you of me is real and I appreciate your receiving it.

Thank you all for your support over the past 30 days.

I have a bottle Veuve chilling and it's calling my name.

What is the saying? 30 days has September! ...Let me drink until November!

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Thought For The Day

Cleaning can be a daunting task, especially when so much has built up for so long. I'd done some cleaning over the weekend and still this morning, I didn't know where to begin there was so much to do.

I also knew after cleaning this weekend, I just didn't have enough cleaning products at my disposal to get my goal accomplished.

But I dug in anyway.

And there, underneath the piles, I found more cleaning products I didn't remember I'd had, more tools to help me finish the job.

...Sometimes you just gotta dig in.

Day 23: I've Gone Nuts!

I have gone completely round the bend and am more bat shit bonkers than I've ever been.

I don't know what came over me this weekend but for the first time I decided to really sink my teeth into all of the affiliates I link to all over this crazy little site of mine and... well, what I tasted wasn't so sweet.

After speaking with a few bloggers and learning how to run my own reports, I don't know where to begin with the amount of things I was doing wrong. But let's just say the #1 mistake was never having taken an interest in checking out any stats, reports, etc. EVER before.

And now that I have, I can't stop. Now that I realize the potential for what JasonCurious.com could and should be, I am back to running on four hours of sleep a night to make sure it all gets accomplished.

I'm sure being 23 days sober has a lot to do with this revelation, which I'm also kind of kicking myself for. I feel like this was staring me in the face for a really long time and I just kind of glossed right over it.

Ya know, I gotta tell you -- I never even really partied all that much. Maybe two nights of drinking a week, one of getting obliterated, right? I didn't even do that much and yet I seem to have missed so much.

I will definitely be re-evalutating my intake even after the 30 days are up. I don't plan on being an angel, but I don't want my creativity, my drive to pass me by as much as it was.

So forgive me, but I have to run. I am looking at each affiliate program individually and it's taking up pretty much every minute of my day this week. I'm completely nuts obsessed over all it. Fascinated by which sites are making me money, which are not -- and making a looooot of notes!

The wildest thing of all? From all the info I'm gathering, all roads are leading to a complete overhaul of JasonCurious.com.

Oh joy.

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Some Quiet Time

I didn't write here in the "Diary" blog as much as I'd have liked to this week. I found myself swamped with 13 hour work days nearly every single day this week. Very productive, but quite exhausting.

The good news is so many of my best friends are out of town this weekend, I have absolutely NO hosting gigs for nearly two weeks (that's a first for me in over two years!) and it happens to be the weekend of Rosh Hashanah, followed by Yom Kippur next week! I think it's the perfect weekend to relax, study, clean my apartment, clear my head. It's almost like a gift of "quiet" being laid before me as I hit the final leg of Sober Circus.

Kabbalists and many of the Jewish faith believe that on the new year celebration that is Rosh Hashanah, we are given the gift of being born anew. We are given a new clean body, spiritually and physically. I certainly feel that!

Weekend at Chi Chi's

Well, The Mans is still under MAJOR construction and this past weekend the hardwood floors were being stripped, sanded and stained so everyone vamoosed for a few days to let the workers do their thing!

I crashed at Chi Chi LaRue's which reminded me at times of being a kid and spending the weekend at my grandmother's! I get to ignore work, go to the mall, go grocery shopping, watch lots of TV and movies in bed, have late night chats and get absolutely spoiled rotten!

It's... exactly what a weekend at my grandmother's was come to think of it. Wow. I forgot how much I had missed that over the past decade.

On Saturday night, we went to Here Lounge where Chi Chi was DJ'ing. I had originally thought I might break on my 30 Day Sober Challenge that evening, but after hitting the gym mid-afternoon I was pretty sure I wouldn't. I realized on the treadmill as the blood flow began to increase my brain function that it was just a matter of having either one really fun evening or an entire week of feeling incredibly empowered for not giving in.

The self-discipline of not giving into every little whim and desire I may have, that's really what is so empowering. Not the sobriety. Madonna once said, "Fun can be really overrated." And I agree with that sentiment. Sometimes making it through difficulties, overcoming obstacles and stepping out of our comfort zone can bring more strength and long lasting joy into our lives than mere "fun" or instant gratification ever could.

But there is a time and a place for everything. Another "muse" of mine, Jane Fonda, talks in her biography about "the art of living intentionally." As opposed to being a leaf floating down a stream letting the current take you (because sometimes it can take you under), to live intentionally is to have a plan. Some nights call for a couple drinks, some call for none and some are just perfect for getting completely shit faced. But the idea is to know what kind of a night it is going to be before going into it! Because if you're not careful, if you don't live intentionally, if you let yourself be the leaf in the stream, I know for me at least, too many nights can just naturally lead to too much.

After Here Lounge, we went to Numbers for the manager Judy's last hoorah after party. The venue has unfortunately shut its doors and is now up for sale so this was our proper "goodbye" to the place. I loved hosting my event there (more than any other I've ever done) and I hate to see it go. I stayed amongst the wildly trashed until 4:00 am ...remaining stable as a table.

I have to say, I had a LOT of fun Saturday night! More fun at Here Lounge than I think I've ever had on a Saturday, in fact. I enjoyed watching everyone get wasted and I really danced A LOT in the DJ booth with Cheech because her music was particularly off the hook! Got felt up by a lot of hot guys too, oddly! I dunno, it was just nice to be so incredibly "present" for all of the fun. More than I thought it would be. Once I was in the club, I had no desire to drink at all.

On Sunday, after a brief brunch with Andy Kirra, I went back to Chi Chi's and we watched movies. I saw "Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion" and "9 to 5" for the first time if you can believe it. "Romy & Michelle" was brill. So many great lines, I laughed out loud a lot! I expected "9 to 5" to be a lot more like "Working Girl" but it was still a great movie. I'm a huge Jane Fonda fan but Dolly Parton was actually my favorite of the three actresses.

We watched the "True Blood" season finale (disappointed... anti-climactic! this season every episode was brilliant but the finale was the weakest link) and then The MTV Music Video Awards where I was completely blown away by the brilliance that is Lady Gaga. Her entire "act" and theme for this album has been the subject of fame, much of which has been inspired by Andy Warhol, and this performance seemed the zenith of it all. In a show that was dedicated to the memory of Michael Jackson, for Gaga to do a performance of "Paparazzi" where fame becomes the death of her was just gold for me. (Did you notice the chandellier that crashed on her in the beginning of the act? What is a chandellier? A bunch of bulbs. Just like the paprazzi. Brill!) She is every artist I've ever loved all rolled up into one: Tori Amos's musical genius, Liza Minnelli's acting out her songs, Madonna's performance art and Eminem's raw honesty and darkness. And that voice! How can someone be that talented?! I fall more in love with her every time I see her perform.

Chi Chi and I will return to Here Lounge on Wednesday night for our once a month gig taking over the Paul Nicholls and Woody Woodbeck Wedndesday night spectacle that is "GARAGE." She spins, I host and we've got porn star go-go boys Cameron Marshall, Justin Chambers, Nash Lawler, Lucky Daniels, Spencer Whitman, Jason King and Lucas Knowles in the house from 10:00 pm - 2:00 am. If you're in West Hollywood, you better join me for a Shirley Temple! Or if you'd rather, there's a $5 open bar until Midnight! Woo hoo! ;-)

Hump Day!

I am half-way through my 30 Day Sober Challenge!

...And no longer look like a blotation device. lol

WOOT WOOT!

I'm In Movies! ...Barely.

I don't know if it was recently released on DVD or cable or something, but I've been getting lots of email and comments all of a sudden about a cameo I made in an indie horror film called "November Son." I had no idea my role was prominent enough in it for people to notice (I actually haven't seen it!), so I'm thrilled I've been "spotted" by even a few peeps! It makes me want to get into acting more!

So here's the story of how I came to make a small but apparently memorable (YAY!) appearance in "November Son."

My first paid acting project when I moved to L.A. was horror director Jason Paul Collum's first film short! It was called "Julia Wept" and it was recently remastered and put on a DVD called "Something To Scream About" along with a very old interview of me and my co-star (then roommate, in fact!) Brinke Stevens.

Jason and I have wanted to work together again ever since and never seem to be able to so instead he asked me to do a cameo as a television reporter in "November Son." The footage I sent him to use for the movie is actually from an interview I did with Jeff Palmer here on JasonCurious.com! Check out the old Celebrity Uncensored episodes on JC TV. It was one of the first things I ever shot for the site!

Jason Paul Collum is a GREAT director and I thank him for finding a place for me in his latest movie!

I also noticed another movie I made a brief appearance in, a gay indie film called "Dog Tags," is now out on DVD! I saw it last time I was in Chi Chi LaRue's store in West Hollywood actually!

Gawd, I need to go on more auditions! I used to book everything I ever went on. It was just gathering the courage to actually go ON the audition that took the most work for me.

Welcome Home, Ryan Raz!

The adventure begins! Ryan Raz moved into The Mans today, previously inhabited by my porn star pals Andy Kirra, Tristan Mathews and Shane Risk. It's just a revolving door of the flesh trade here, isn't it?

Truth be told, I swore up and down I would never make this "the porn star house" again, but Ryan Raz is someone I really adore and admire. I've known him for quite some time now and have learned we have much in common. We both look at this business as a business, we're both wild and crazy but know when to say when, we're both very independent and like our space, and we're sharp-tongued and witty so we laugh a lot together.

I'm grateful and happy to have him living here in what is becoming known as the gay version of the Playboy Mansion. ...Though at the moment, it looks a little more like Grey Gardens! I can't wait until the remodeling here is complete.

Anyway... welcome home, Ryan!

You can visit Ryan Raz's official blog and web site at RyanRaz.com.

Sing Happy

SO much fun last night! I wish I could co-host the karaoke night at MJ's Bar every Monday night, but then it wouldn't be a special thing when the porn stars "invade" the event every now and then! It is by far my favorite thing I host right now though. Kenny Morse, the host, is a dream to work with, the vibe is so chill, no stress and the crowd is so openly happy to be there. (Maybe we can do an every week "porn star karaoke" event elsewhere sometime soon! Will have to talk to the promoter Anthony Lopez about that!) Amazing performances last night from Josh Griffin (whose new boyfriend was also in tow - such a hunk, must get him into movie making!), Spencer Whitman (totally sang in his underwear!), Jason King (you'd think he was going to surgery he was so scared to be up there singing!), Channel 1 Releasing exclusive Vance Winter (who literally reminded me I have a libido when sober, he's so hot always!) and even my fave fab photog Tom "T Ball" Trevor gave us his rendition of "Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves." SO fun, I oddly felt buzzed!

Alas, I was not. Week two of Sober Circus began with a bang today! I got back to the gym which cured me of my early evening sleepiness with all that blood pumping. After tooling it out to the valley to host my live web talk show "Bottoms Up!" here on JasonCurious.com with my guest Rob Romoni, I talked Chi Chi LaRue into getting a purse she saw yesterday at The Grove she really wanted. Went back to pick it up and then to Fat Fish in West Hollywood for din din. Now home for blogging and off to bed!

More tomorrow!

My Three-Day Weekend

Went to see "District 9" last night in the big Graumann's Chinese Theater with my friends Essay, writer Kevin Williamson and porn star Jason King (pictured here). Interesting to say the least! A lot of passion put into the movie and a throw back with the puppetry and low-budget sets to the original "Star Wars" I thought in many ways. But still, really silly and unintentionally funny at points. Definitely will be a cult classic I'm sure and "District 10" is no doubt on the way. This was the second movie I saw this week actually, as I also caught "Final Destination 3D" with Essay, Paul Kingrey, Kabbalah Nick and Andy Kirra earlier in the week. If you're in Los Angeles, you should definitely see it at the Mann's Chinese 6 in Hollywood if you get the chance. They have the D-Box seats there that buzz to scare you and move with the motion of the movie. The concept was originally employed by horror movie maker William Castle (with lesser technology) for movies like "House on Haunted Hill" and "The Tingler." I always wished I'd been alive to see those theatrical releases with all their gadgetry, so this was a real thrill for me!

Chi Chi LaRue is back from New Orleans. We went shopping at The Grove this afternoon and had lunch at this great Greek restaurant there that I don't remember liking in the past but this time the food was SO GOOD!

Tonight I'm bringing the porn stars to invade karaoke night at MJ's Bar where I'll be co-hosting from 10:00 pm - 2:00 am! Performances by Rob Romoni, Jason King, Vance Winter, Spencer Whitman, Tristan Mathews and of course yours truly are in store for those looking for a fun, low-key evening to end your three-day holiday weekend!

Happy Labor Day!

The Sober Circus

So on August 31st, while hosting a night of porn stars invading the karaoke show at MJ's Bar in Silverlake (I'll be back there for round two this Monday at 10 pm, FYI), I made a pact with Andy Kirra to see if we could go 30 days being 100% sober. As word got out, a few of our friends decided to join us in our 30 day sober challenge. Today is Day 6 and of the 7 people who joined in the challenge, we are two of only 3 people left! Yikes! LOL

This is not some major lifestyle change for me, nor is it something I'm planning to do for the rest of my life. (Trust me, I have an event with Brent Everett in San Diego on October 3rd that I plan on going crazy for!) I've never had a problem with moderation. Drinking a couple drinks to get a buzz on and calling it quits is not foreign to me, nor is getting completely shit faced. So why exactly am I doing it? Well, because, between the days I'm just getting a buzz on or the days I'm getting shit faced or the days where it's anything in between, the days of it being "nothing at all" just seem to be getting fewer every month!

So I suppose it's to prove to myself that I can. No one ever really thinks they're an addict and it's good to challenge yourself so you know the truth. I mean, I expect it to be uncomfortable and trying at times, but gosh what if I couldn't actually make it 30 days?! No denying then that I would have a serious problem. On the flip side of that coin, if I can make it that long, then there is also no denying that I don't have one! And yippee for me!

I'll be documenting the journey here throughout the month, of course. Something that has helped me a lot with it right off the bat is getting back into spiritual study. I sat down Friday night with intentions of reading the beginning of a new Kabbalah book for 30 mins. or so. Four hours later, I had finished the thing! It was a great reminder of how when we look to things outside of ourselves for happiness, we are living in a slave mentality. We can have a receiving/slave-like mentality or a sharing/God-like mentality. Lord knows I hate playing the victim, so that woke me up pretty fast to any immediate temptations that said "To hell with this sober bullshit!" I'm not looking to play slave to anything or anyone in my life ever.

I made it over my most massive hurdle yet just last evening, hosting my biggest night of the week, "INDUSTRY" at Eleven Nightclub, as I do every Saturday, for happy hour no less! I'm not someone who stays in and whoops it up all by myself! I do it in social settings with friends and often when out throwing parties. So to make it through the biggest party night of my week on iced coffee and shirley temples was... at times a chore, other times fun and ultimately incredibly empowering!

I'm glad (and lucky) it didn't feel impossible at all or even all that tempting. Which leads me to believe I'm probably not an addict at all and have merely been incredibly indulgent over the past two years, ever since hosting at bars and nightclubs became such a massive part of my life. Not that this makes it any better. If anything, I feel it makes my behavior even more abhorrent. At least an addict can say it's something they can't help. If I've just been indulgent, then I have no real excuse and have basically just been a pig. ...Lovely.

Well, I'm a little tired of being a pig. (In several areas of my life, ahem!) I don't know where in the past couple of years I just decided to stop exercising will power, but now that I've discovered it again, I remember that it's truly more empowering than any drink or drug could ever be. To be challenged is to remind us of how much strength we actually have. How had I forgotten how stepping out of our comfort zones is what brings the bliss? It is, after all, how I got to this indulgent state in the first place. But as they say, all things in moderation, huh?

So... to fill you in on where I'm at so far on this journey, it's been nearly a week and my head is much clearer than it's been in a long time, I feel like there's tons more time in the week to get things done (less time spent out playing and in recovering) and I find myself getting very tired around 6:00 in the evening most nights. I hope to combat that by getting back to the gym this week, eating a little more healthy and getting my blood circulating a little more! I'll keep you posted.

Here's to challenge! ...Also known as opportunity.