The Sober Circus

So on August 31st, while hosting a night of porn stars invading the karaoke show at MJ's Bar in Silverlake (I'll be back there for round two this Monday at 10 pm, FYI), I made a pact with Andy Kirra to see if we could go 30 days being 100% sober. As word got out, a few of our friends decided to join us in our 30 day sober challenge. Today is Day 6 and of the 7 people who joined in the challenge, we are two of only 3 people left! Yikes! LOL

This is not some major lifestyle change for me, nor is it something I'm planning to do for the rest of my life. (Trust me, I have an event with Brent Everett in San Diego on October 3rd that I plan on going crazy for!) I've never had a problem with moderation. Drinking a couple drinks to get a buzz on and calling it quits is not foreign to me, nor is getting completely shit faced. So why exactly am I doing it? Well, because, between the days I'm just getting a buzz on or the days I'm getting shit faced or the days where it's anything in between, the days of it being "nothing at all" just seem to be getting fewer every month!

So I suppose it's to prove to myself that I can. No one ever really thinks they're an addict and it's good to challenge yourself so you know the truth. I mean, I expect it to be uncomfortable and trying at times, but gosh what if I couldn't actually make it 30 days?! No denying then that I would have a serious problem. On the flip side of that coin, if I can make it that long, then there is also no denying that I don't have one! And yippee for me!

I'll be documenting the journey here throughout the month, of course. Something that has helped me a lot with it right off the bat is getting back into spiritual study. I sat down Friday night with intentions of reading the beginning of a new Kabbalah book for 30 mins. or so. Four hours later, I had finished the thing! It was a great reminder of how when we look to things outside of ourselves for happiness, we are living in a slave mentality. We can have a receiving/slave-like mentality or a sharing/God-like mentality. Lord knows I hate playing the victim, so that woke me up pretty fast to any immediate temptations that said "To hell with this sober bullshit!" I'm not looking to play slave to anything or anyone in my life ever.

I made it over my most massive hurdle yet just last evening, hosting my biggest night of the week, "INDUSTRY" at Eleven Nightclub, as I do every Saturday, for happy hour no less! I'm not someone who stays in and whoops it up all by myself! I do it in social settings with friends and often when out throwing parties. So to make it through the biggest party night of my week on iced coffee and shirley temples was... at times a chore, other times fun and ultimately incredibly empowering!

I'm glad (and lucky) it didn't feel impossible at all or even all that tempting. Which leads me to believe I'm probably not an addict at all and have merely been incredibly indulgent over the past two years, ever since hosting at bars and nightclubs became such a massive part of my life. Not that this makes it any better. If anything, I feel it makes my behavior even more abhorrent. At least an addict can say it's something they can't help. If I've just been indulgent, then I have no real excuse and have basically just been a pig. ...Lovely.

Well, I'm a little tired of being a pig. (In several areas of my life, ahem!) I don't know where in the past couple of years I just decided to stop exercising will power, but now that I've discovered it again, I remember that it's truly more empowering than any drink or drug could ever be. To be challenged is to remind us of how much strength we actually have. How had I forgotten how stepping out of our comfort zones is what brings the bliss? It is, after all, how I got to this indulgent state in the first place. But as they say, all things in moderation, huh?

So... to fill you in on where I'm at so far on this journey, it's been nearly a week and my head is much clearer than it's been in a long time, I feel like there's tons more time in the week to get things done (less time spent out playing and in recovering) and I find myself getting very tired around 6:00 in the evening most nights. I hope to combat that by getting back to the gym this week, eating a little more healthy and getting my blood circulating a little more! I'll keep you posted.

Here's to challenge! ...Also known as opportunity.