Much More

As the summer turns to autumn and for some a new year begins, in my life I experience a new beginning both inward and with a new friend. One where I don't feel the need to wear makeup. "10% literal. 90% metaphorical."

I asked the universe for someone like my father circa 1990 and out of nowhere appears this gorgeous creature who I'd never picture myself with but I swear I must have met him somewhere before and neither of us can put our finger on just where. This Man who sings and knows the meaning of the blues, listens to everything Ella to Tori, loves a good drive-in, spends Saturday nights like I do watching Turner Classic Movies instead of going to clubs, makes me laugh and managed to show me for the first time what it was like to feel beautiful when I felt at my absolute worst... to feel complete and utterly comfortable in my own skin and not want to change one thing about me, about you, about the night, about the moment like being on some sort of vicodin drip. And now, I remember that feeling and take it with me everywhere so I can feel it always with or without Man around, with or without Man's word. But I don't forget Man showed me first what I had not been able to see since I was ten, by his presence alone much less these fantastic actions that back up his word.

For multiple reasons constant readers are already clued in on, it has been a struggle for me throughout my life to feel okay with just being myself in any given situation. I tend to feel more loved (maybe "adored" is a better word) when I assess the situation, then take a fraction of myself and magnify it to 100%. Which is fine for entertaining and performing, that's the very definition of it, but not in my personal life. And don't get me wrong, I've had others who have tried getting me comfortable with just being me around them. And I don't even know that this one is trying. It just happens for some reason.

You and your damned picnic basket. Who knew graveyards could be so romantic? Why you, of course. And just look what a mess you've made.

You're not likely to read this, but it's not really for you anyway. These pages are for me. I'll tell you in person and tell you much more than a mere thank you for being my friend and for taking me off the market for the first time since love was a thing while we explore a little bit more. I'll tell you much more.

"Conversation has a time and place in the interaction of a lover and a mate, but the time of talking, using symbols, using words can be likened to a deep sea diver who is swimming with a raincoat. ... I don't even try to explain, I just hold on tight."

Song of the Week: "I Want You" - Savage Garden