Love: Past, Present & Future

For the past week, everytime I lay down to sleep at night, no matter how exhausted I may be, I immediately conjure up three specific people from my life, past, present and hopefully future, who I have either loved, currently love or have a crush on. The thoughts are heavy and keep me awake for hours, so I thought I'd write them down to see if it helps. I've mixed up the thoughts here so years from now, I will probably look back on these and have no idea which pertained to whom, but the most important thing to me right now is that neither will they.


I get scared sometimes that everyone in the room will notice I'm looking at no one but you. I feel like I have to remind myself to avert my gaze and check my mouth for any unsightly drool that may have escaped during these ridiculous daydreams that play out in shades of grey like something out of Mayberry.

I've convinced myself I knew you in a past life. I was your doting and devoted wife. You were famous but such the bad boy and I refused to see, refused to believe you were anything less than perfect, even when I caught you in bed with another man. I found ways to justify it in my head. "Wrestling. Yes, they were just wrestling..."

Did you know that you wear the most perfect amount of cologne? I can never smell it until we hug each other goodbye and then I still smell it on me hours after you're gone.

You make me better and I don't think you're even trying.

It would be the worst idea in the world for us to ever kiss and yet I think I'll just die if we never do.

I don't know nearly enough about you. I've got to find something wrong. Or at least find something that makes me like you for the right reasons.

It was nice to see you in my dreams last night. It was Christmas time, we were shopping for wrapping paper. I remember feeling as though I had this huge responsibility to make sure you knew it was you who made me happy and not the gifts.

You smiled a lot and I thought it was beautiful but feared it temporary.

You've been thinking about me a lot lately and I wish you wouldn't so much. I can feel it, you know?

Speaking of antennea, your phone calls make me smile more than you know.

I'm going to kiss you someday and I'm going to mean it and you're not going to know what you're in for, but you'll be down for the ride. I know you way too well.

And he's just going to have to get over it.

You knew a word that I didn't, by the way. I had to look it up. Do you know how long it has been since that has happened? Talk about a turn on.

I have a crush on you.

Sometimes I think you have one on me.

Sometimes I think you're oblivious to the indications.

Sometimes I think you're scared.

Song of the Week: "Crazy" - Britney Spears

"...I just can't sleep."