Life At The Mans

...And he disappeared into the house, never to be heard from again!

I know, I know. It's been forever since my last post. I was waiting to get some things done before I started writing in the "Diary" regularly again. You know, I still haven't even completely unpacked, everything is totally unorganized and with taking on more weekly shows and work, I'm not sure when exactly any of that is going to finally get done. I'm sure my life (and clothes) will find its way out of boxes in time though.

Truthfully, I think I also needed to take some time to gather my thoughts before pouring out my insides onto an empty page.

Moving into The Mans took some major adjusting to say the least and the first week, I thought I must be feeling what people call "panic attacks." Every morning I would wake up and realize that if I left my room to head into the kitchen and make my morning tea, there was a possibility I would run into someone. Might not seem like such a big deal to most people, but for someone who has lived alone for seven years and feels like he needs to be "on" and "performing" around people, it really forced my out of my comfort zone.

Ultimately, I like that. I like that I'm growing and learning to not need to be anything than what I am and feel. But I still need about fifteen minutes in the morning -- just to wake up, really -- before I feel comfortable emerging from my cave. I'm just never going to be the kind of person who is happy being bombarded with intense conversation until I'm at least awake enough to answer an email.

The worst of the panic moments came one night when I was watching a movie with Andy upstairs in his room. I thought to myself, "Oh my God, when I'm done hanging out with Andy tonight... I can't go home to my apartment like I have hanging out here in the past. I don't leave this place anymore when I'm done boozing it up and having fun with him. I go downstairs to my room. Which isn't even MY room!!! It used to be HIS room so I know it as his room. ...Oh my God, I HAVE NO HOME!!! I'm a HOMELESS PERSON!!! And I HAVE NO HOME!!!"

Fortunately, these moments of pure insanity dissapated more quickly than I suspected. I'm a child of divorce and at heart also an actor: I adapt very, very quickly. One week into it, I began loving being around people all the time and the joys of having a huge mansion where I can cook in a big kitchen when I want to, hold business meetings in different areas of the house or hang out by the pool with my friends. And to be able to save money, living in a bigger place, well that's going to be pretty incredible too.

As for Sadie, well it's almost like she wasn't really living until now. I feel like she's a completely different dog. So happy to be around other dogs and have a yard and so many people who love and care for her.

Living with two of my best friends, Andy Kirra and Tristan Mathews, has been both a blessing and a challenge. You see sides of people you didn't know existed when you live together. Remember Mikey G.? I spent nearly every day with him as my best friend for over five years before he moved into my apartment and once we did, we both felt like we'd never really known each other at all. Some of those revelations are beautiful and some of them are not so pretty.

Having people in the house who I trust and love played a huge role in making the adjustment period a quick one. One of the things I have learned from my time with Andy is that laughter can cure pretty much anything. Not just any laughter, but the doubled over, can't hardly breathe, tears running down your face laughter. There had been a huge void of that in my life for a couple of years. I was in a very different place in my life before I met Andy and I'm not sure he really knows how much that laughter and fun together still instantly changes my life infinitely for the better. Tristan too has become someone who I need in my life more than I ever thought I would. We have a friendship that is based in so much trust and that's the best foundation for a friendship ever. We confide things in each other and vent when we need to and provide and ear when the other person needs to let off some steam.

There are, of course, other less pleasing sides that you discover in your friends' personalities once you begin living with them. Most of the time though, I try to ask myself, "What is it about me that is bothered so much by this or that personality trait?" More often than not, it's my problem and not their's. I'm a firm believer that it's not our job to change people, but to instead become more tolerant. And the pros of these two individuals are so amazing, they outweigh the cons so far that it is usually easy for me to follow another rule of mine: To focus on what you love about all people, as opposed to what you dislike.

My biggest challenge living with them has been to not allow myself to fall into another co-dependent friendship where the rest of the world is shut out and I give everything I have to only one or two people. That's been a pattern of mine all my life that I vowed to stop after my last one. In the past two years, I have found the value of having many diverse friends and a variety of activities that branch you out into several social circles. It's important to being a whole person that you don't feel like a "half" without another -- and that you can be that same "whole" person with any given person, in any given circle.

It's still very much embedded in my nature though to want the rush of that fabulously heady co-dependent friendship and I find myself literally forcing myself at times to hang with other people. When I do, I'm always so glad I did and it makes it easier the next time.

Speaking of which, there are many other interesting people who live here and an entry titled "Life At The Mans" would not be complete without them. You'll probably be hearing more about them here as time goes on, but for now a brief introduction to the cast!

DAN is the owner of the home who lives here with us. He is a 50 year old gay man (though he doesn't look it) and has been very welcoming to me, especially in my first week -- offering to cook dinner, allowing me time to pay after the exorbanant moving fees, etc. At times it can be uncomfortable for all of us to have your landlord actually living in the same house as you. When you're busy with work and just passing through and your landlord decides he wants to strike up a conversation with you for 15 minutes you can't really spare in your day, how can you say no? It can be a bit intrusive. But I am still getting to know him and hope to eventually be able to call him a good friend by the end of my time here at The Mans and not just a landlord.

MICHELLE is like the house mother, having lived here the longest. She is a nurse who has a love of indie musicians she's constantly bringing over to the house to hang out and often play music. My dad being an indie musician, I can relate and love all the great music she introduces me to. She is also the house chef! One of the most amazing cooks I've ever met, in fact, and makes dinner for us all any night she is off work. I had already gotten to know her pretty well before I moved in through spending so much time here at the house with Andy, so it's nice to have another familiar face to call a friend.

SHANNON lives in the pool house. For the moment, at least. Her husband is a drummer for a rock and roll legend and he has been out of town touring since they moved in and will not be back until December, at which point they may decide to move. In the meantime, Shannon and I have become good pals. She's a night owl who stays up even later than I do so when I come home from hosting my events at 2 am, if I'm ever not quite ready to go to sleep and need someone to drink with and talk to until 6 am, Shannon's pretty much the bomb to have around!

GAVIN is the lone straight guy who lives in the basement bedroom and we call him "GG" because he is "Gavin, The Ghost." We absolutely NEVER see him and when we do, he doesn't really speak much.

CHRISTINA AGUILERA and OLIVER STONE are my neighbors. We are not friends. But we sometimes use their garbage cans when ours are full.

So there you have it, folks. The long awaited update of what's new in my world.

As you can see, I have started an entirely new chapter of my life with some new friends -- and new pieces of old friends being discovered that in turn helps me find a few hidden pieces of me.

I often feel, starting this new chapter, like my life these days is an empty page and I can make this next part of my life story whatever I want it to be.

I feel like I'm writing the book. It's not writing me.