While I Was Out...
This update is going to be huge because I've been so swamped with four shows a week (plus a new web show now!) and updating you all on my hectic work life over in the "News Desk" blog, I haven't had a chance to talk much about my personal life over here. So I'm going to divide this into sections and you can read what you're interested in -- or perhaps little by little over the course of a few days. It took me over a month to live it so it'll probably take you a long time to read it.
I MISS CHI CHI
I don't know how it happened but Girl has really become one of my closest friends this year and she has been travelling non-stop for over a month now. I wish she'd hurry home and stay put for one second. Let's face it. Life is always more fun when Chi Chi LaRue is in the same town as you. She's like my local mother/father/brother/sister/lover/friend/mentor/fairy-godmother/twin .....and DJ!
SADIE'S OKAY!
My dog's cancer is benign. She will have to be checked regularly but it seems the tumor is going away on its own. I have to thank you all for your positive thoughts and well wishes. THEY WORKED!
EXPERIMENTATION
I'm kind of in an experimental phase these days. Nothing too hardcore, I'm not like climbing into K holes and smoking crack or meth or anything! (Not that I judge those who do! I'm sure I'll be there in a few years. See you at Promises!) But I did try ecstasy recently for the first time and wow, that was an experience. I became best friends with a fork that I rubbed on my head the entire evening and regularly splashed water on my face while screaming, "I'm a fish! I'm a fish!" Working so many nights out in West Hollywood a week means that to promote those nights I often need to go socialize on the evenings I'm not actually working, so there really is no better time to have an experimental phase if I'm going to have one. I mean, I'm out every freakin' night! And you don't want to be doing them when you're nobody and you're going to get kicked out of a club. You want to be doing them when the club has reserved you your own bathroom for the evening.
JANE FONDA RULES
I am almost through Jane Fonda's autobiography, My Life So Far. Has anyone else read this? It's amazing how much I have in common with 60 year old women! Their introspection, their catharsis, their looking back to right the wrongs in moving forward. What I've learned from Hanoy Jane is that the need for perfection and the fear of rejection are two things that will always hold you back from progressing in your life until you usher them to the door. Reading her book has helped me with that immensely. I don't feel the "disease to please" on a regular basis these days and that's a first in my life.
CYNDI LAUPER ROCKS
I can't stop listening to "Into the Nightlife." I have the song on repeat ad nauseum. No matter what kind of mood I'm in, it gets me swinging my arms around and banging my head in the air.
MY GRANDPA DIED
My grandfather passed away this weekend and I will be cancelling a few shows to be with my family in Florida for the funeral, burial and wake from Thursday morning through Saturday late evening. I was not best friends with him like I was with my grandmother, but we were very close and he was a wonderful grandfather and such a warm, funny, loving human being.
I'm so lucky that my last conversation with him over Thanksgiving dinner is probably the best conversation I've ever had with him and will remain my fondest memory. I told I was always hearing people his age say, "If I only knew then what I know now..." and told him I wanted to know what it was he knows now! He gave me a lot of good advice, namely financial, that I really needed to hear. But more than that, he gave me praise for having my priorities in the right place. He said I already realized at my age what takes most people many years to discover: That you have to be true to yourself. "You're doing what you want to do with your life and your career and that's what it's all about. You have to live the way you feel is right," he said, and concluded in front of everyone, "and love whoever you want to love."
Wow. That was a big deal. For him and for me.
MUST-SEE YOU TUBE LINKS!
If you're missing Kathy Griffin's My Life on the D-List, you can catch all the episodes from the new season here. Thank God for this man!
http://youtube.com/user/vgxuk
Also, between these two users I think they have every episode from all three seasons of the old 60's Batman TV show online -- which I am LOVING!
http://youtube.com/user/FanOfBats
http://youtube.com/user/goodguysbadguys
I added my rendition of the Madonna song "Live to Tell" to the Live From The Other Side playlist on my Jason Sechrest YouTube account.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=VOXoZ7A2Tj4
I also have a new vlog up on my Jason Curious YouTube account where I'm begging people to come to the shows of mine that aren't pulling in big numbers. I love that people either totally got this and thought it was hilarious or thought I was insane and didn't understand why I would beg publicly. It's like a commercial. A marketing tactic. I actually got the idea from Kathy Griffin. In fact, I've decided when it comes to many aspects of my life, my new motto is, "What would Kathy do?" When her sales are low, she goes on some show and says, "I'm so D-List there are like 25 people coming to my show at the Pechanga Casino. If you don't come see me, it's back to Hollywood Squares." Fortunately, it worked. One of the shows that I mentioned has already made the 100 mark and is definitely staying alive. One down, one to go and hey, remember the promise I made if we make it?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7OLxvVlqt4
MY LOVE LIFE
I am writing this first but already know that I'll put it as the last to be read.
I'm dating a few people right now, but the one I've been dating the longest I seem to have fallen for pretty hard. Unfortunately, he fluxuates from telling me it's the most mature form of dating he's ever had to telling me that we're actually not dating at all. It was kind of funny, a running joke at first; now it's just sad. I also am either the most entertaining person he's ever met or the most annoying, depending on the unpredictability of his mood. It was tolerable at first; now it's just starting to hurt.
It is a shame because there's no one else I laugh with as much as he. In many ways, he is like my ex-boyfriend. In some ways -- the laughter, the best friendship, the similar interests -- that's exactly what I'm still looking for. But in other ways -- the bi-polar nature, the inability to commit and the thriving on the power of keeping a person in a perpetual state of limbo -- yeah, I'm not looking to crawl back into that special circle of Hell anytime soon despite the fact that my spot always seems reserved there. And it is no doubt fault of my own. I don't delude myself into thinking it's coincidence that I've yet again attracted the same type of person into my life.
While we understand each other in so many ways that other people don't or have problems dealing with, if one can't understand or deal with themselves first, it's all pretty much unfortunately for not.
Anyone who reads my KabbalahCurious.com blog (also desperately in need of an update - look for that later today too I hope) knows I'm a big advocate of spiritual study, taking notes on what you learn and then meditating upon those notes every day until those thoughts are engrained in you and it becomes a way of life. One of the things I wrote down recently is how in order to make relationships work, from friendships to co-workers to lovers, we have to focus on the things we appreciate about that person, as opposed to complaining about what we don't like about them. Negative thoughts and energy only create more negativity so when we complain about those things, that's all we get because it's all that we're choosing to see.
I mentioned before, I don't laugh with anyone as much as I do this person and I think it would be stupid of me to throw such a great friendship like that away. I should accept the limitations of the situation, focus on what I love about the person and keep it a friendship. This probably sounds like common sense to most of you, but for those of us who are used to having it be our way or the highway, you need a little dose of spirituality to get the common sense through a skull so thick.
And this also goes back to what I was saying previously in this entry about how the "need for perfection" is so toxic. My motto lately -- and something I read every morning when I awaken -- has been: "Compromise can be made while still maintaining the integrity of the original vision."
Maybe, here too the integrity of the original vision can be salvaged in a great friendship.
And that, my friends, would certainly be different -- and a much more mature approach -- than what happened with the last best friend I fell in love with.
Do you go to dungeon
To find out how to make peace with your days in the dungeon?
Writing a letter to you
Doesn't make me feel any more peaceful than how I feel when we're not speaking.
'Cause I didn't cop to what I did.
I can't love you 'cause we're supposed to have professional boundaries.
But I'd like you to be schooled and in awe
As though you were kissed by God, full on the lips.
I'm in the front row with popcorn.
I get to see you close up.
Slid into the ditch.
We have this overwhelming loss of ambition
So we say, "Let's name 30 good reasons
Why we shouldn't be together."
Start out by saying things like, "You smoke."
"You live in New Jersey."
I started saying things like,
"You belong to the world."
All of which could've been easily refuted.
But the conversation was hypothetical.
I am totally sure.
Just a breath for you.
Why can't you shut your stuff off?
I'm in the front row with popcorn.
I get to see you close up.
For a while I am speaking.
You know how much I hate to be interrupted.
Maybe spend some time alone,
Fill up my proverbial cup so
That it does not always have to be about me.
But I'm just wanting your undivided attention.
Are we not burdened by the lack of perspective
People have of our charmed lives seemingly?
I'm in the front row with popcorn.
I get to see you close up.
Hey I'm not mad at you guardian.
I'm mad at myself for spending so much time with you
In your Jekyll and Hydeness.
I'm glad I figuratively slapped you on the wrist.
You laughed a wicked laugh and said,
"Come here, let me clip your wings."
"Raise the roof," he yelled.
"Yeah, raise the roof," I yelled back.
No thanks to the soap box.
I'm in the front row with popcorn.
I get to see you close up.
You never meant to be ungrateful
Nor held up to be whipped or wept for,
And certainly not analyzed or proded at.
And certainly you'll need a health scare to reprioritize.
I think we should be careful of how much time we spend together.
- Alanis Morissette
I MISS CHI CHI
I don't know how it happened but Girl has really become one of my closest friends this year and she has been travelling non-stop for over a month now. I wish she'd hurry home and stay put for one second. Let's face it. Life is always more fun when Chi Chi LaRue is in the same town as you. She's like my local mother/father/brother/sister/lover/friend/mentor/fairy-godmother/twin .....and DJ!
SADIE'S OKAY!
My dog's cancer is benign. She will have to be checked regularly but it seems the tumor is going away on its own. I have to thank you all for your positive thoughts and well wishes. THEY WORKED!
EXPERIMENTATION
I'm kind of in an experimental phase these days. Nothing too hardcore, I'm not like climbing into K holes and smoking crack or meth or anything! (Not that I judge those who do! I'm sure I'll be there in a few years. See you at Promises!) But I did try ecstasy recently for the first time and wow, that was an experience. I became best friends with a fork that I rubbed on my head the entire evening and regularly splashed water on my face while screaming, "I'm a fish! I'm a fish!" Working so many nights out in West Hollywood a week means that to promote those nights I often need to go socialize on the evenings I'm not actually working, so there really is no better time to have an experimental phase if I'm going to have one. I mean, I'm out every freakin' night! And you don't want to be doing them when you're nobody and you're going to get kicked out of a club. You want to be doing them when the club has reserved you your own bathroom for the evening.
JANE FONDA RULES
I am almost through Jane Fonda's autobiography, My Life So Far. Has anyone else read this? It's amazing how much I have in common with 60 year old women! Their introspection, their catharsis, their looking back to right the wrongs in moving forward. What I've learned from Hanoy Jane is that the need for perfection and the fear of rejection are two things that will always hold you back from progressing in your life until you usher them to the door. Reading her book has helped me with that immensely. I don't feel the "disease to please" on a regular basis these days and that's a first in my life.
CYNDI LAUPER ROCKS
I can't stop listening to "Into the Nightlife." I have the song on repeat ad nauseum. No matter what kind of mood I'm in, it gets me swinging my arms around and banging my head in the air.
MY GRANDPA DIED
My grandfather passed away this weekend and I will be cancelling a few shows to be with my family in Florida for the funeral, burial and wake from Thursday morning through Saturday late evening. I was not best friends with him like I was with my grandmother, but we were very close and he was a wonderful grandfather and such a warm, funny, loving human being.
I'm so lucky that my last conversation with him over Thanksgiving dinner is probably the best conversation I've ever had with him and will remain my fondest memory. I told I was always hearing people his age say, "If I only knew then what I know now..." and told him I wanted to know what it was he knows now! He gave me a lot of good advice, namely financial, that I really needed to hear. But more than that, he gave me praise for having my priorities in the right place. He said I already realized at my age what takes most people many years to discover: That you have to be true to yourself. "You're doing what you want to do with your life and your career and that's what it's all about. You have to live the way you feel is right," he said, and concluded in front of everyone, "and love whoever you want to love."
Wow. That was a big deal. For him and for me.
MUST-SEE YOU TUBE LINKS!
If you're missing Kathy Griffin's My Life on the D-List, you can catch all the episodes from the new season here. Thank God for this man!
http://youtube.com/user/vgxuk
Also, between these two users I think they have every episode from all three seasons of the old 60's Batman TV show online -- which I am LOVING!
http://youtube.com/user/FanOfBats
http://youtube.com/user/goodguysbadguys
I added my rendition of the Madonna song "Live to Tell" to the Live From The Other Side playlist on my Jason Sechrest YouTube account.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=VOXoZ7A2Tj4
I also have a new vlog up on my Jason Curious YouTube account where I'm begging people to come to the shows of mine that aren't pulling in big numbers. I love that people either totally got this and thought it was hilarious or thought I was insane and didn't understand why I would beg publicly. It's like a commercial. A marketing tactic. I actually got the idea from Kathy Griffin. In fact, I've decided when it comes to many aspects of my life, my new motto is, "What would Kathy do?" When her sales are low, she goes on some show and says, "I'm so D-List there are like 25 people coming to my show at the Pechanga Casino. If you don't come see me, it's back to Hollywood Squares." Fortunately, it worked. One of the shows that I mentioned has already made the 100 mark and is definitely staying alive. One down, one to go and hey, remember the promise I made if we make it?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7OLxvVlqt4
MY LOVE LIFE
I am writing this first but already know that I'll put it as the last to be read.
I'm dating a few people right now, but the one I've been dating the longest I seem to have fallen for pretty hard. Unfortunately, he fluxuates from telling me it's the most mature form of dating he's ever had to telling me that we're actually not dating at all. It was kind of funny, a running joke at first; now it's just sad. I also am either the most entertaining person he's ever met or the most annoying, depending on the unpredictability of his mood. It was tolerable at first; now it's just starting to hurt.
It is a shame because there's no one else I laugh with as much as he. In many ways, he is like my ex-boyfriend. In some ways -- the laughter, the best friendship, the similar interests -- that's exactly what I'm still looking for. But in other ways -- the bi-polar nature, the inability to commit and the thriving on the power of keeping a person in a perpetual state of limbo -- yeah, I'm not looking to crawl back into that special circle of Hell anytime soon despite the fact that my spot always seems reserved there. And it is no doubt fault of my own. I don't delude myself into thinking it's coincidence that I've yet again attracted the same type of person into my life.
While we understand each other in so many ways that other people don't or have problems dealing with, if one can't understand or deal with themselves first, it's all pretty much unfortunately for not.
Anyone who reads my KabbalahCurious.com blog (also desperately in need of an update - look for that later today too I hope) knows I'm a big advocate of spiritual study, taking notes on what you learn and then meditating upon those notes every day until those thoughts are engrained in you and it becomes a way of life. One of the things I wrote down recently is how in order to make relationships work, from friendships to co-workers to lovers, we have to focus on the things we appreciate about that person, as opposed to complaining about what we don't like about them. Negative thoughts and energy only create more negativity so when we complain about those things, that's all we get because it's all that we're choosing to see.
I mentioned before, I don't laugh with anyone as much as I do this person and I think it would be stupid of me to throw such a great friendship like that away. I should accept the limitations of the situation, focus on what I love about the person and keep it a friendship. This probably sounds like common sense to most of you, but for those of us who are used to having it be our way or the highway, you need a little dose of spirituality to get the common sense through a skull so thick.
And this also goes back to what I was saying previously in this entry about how the "need for perfection" is so toxic. My motto lately -- and something I read every morning when I awaken -- has been: "Compromise can be made while still maintaining the integrity of the original vision."
Maybe, here too the integrity of the original vision can be salvaged in a great friendship.
And that, my friends, would certainly be different -- and a much more mature approach -- than what happened with the last best friend I fell in love with.
Do you go to dungeon
To find out how to make peace with your days in the dungeon?
Writing a letter to you
Doesn't make me feel any more peaceful than how I feel when we're not speaking.
'Cause I didn't cop to what I did.
I can't love you 'cause we're supposed to have professional boundaries.
But I'd like you to be schooled and in awe
As though you were kissed by God, full on the lips.
I'm in the front row with popcorn.
I get to see you close up.
Slid into the ditch.
We have this overwhelming loss of ambition
So we say, "Let's name 30 good reasons
Why we shouldn't be together."
Start out by saying things like, "You smoke."
"You live in New Jersey."
I started saying things like,
"You belong to the world."
All of which could've been easily refuted.
But the conversation was hypothetical.
I am totally sure.
Just a breath for you.
Why can't you shut your stuff off?
I'm in the front row with popcorn.
I get to see you close up.
For a while I am speaking.
You know how much I hate to be interrupted.
Maybe spend some time alone,
Fill up my proverbial cup so
That it does not always have to be about me.
But I'm just wanting your undivided attention.
Are we not burdened by the lack of perspective
People have of our charmed lives seemingly?
I'm in the front row with popcorn.
I get to see you close up.
Hey I'm not mad at you guardian.
I'm mad at myself for spending so much time with you
In your Jekyll and Hydeness.
I'm glad I figuratively slapped you on the wrist.
You laughed a wicked laugh and said,
"Come here, let me clip your wings."
"Raise the roof," he yelled.
"Yeah, raise the roof," I yelled back.
No thanks to the soap box.
I'm in the front row with popcorn.
I get to see you close up.
You never meant to be ungrateful
Nor held up to be whipped or wept for,
And certainly not analyzed or proded at.
And certainly you'll need a health scare to reprioritize.
I think we should be careful of how much time we spend together.
- Alanis Morissette
posted by Jason Sechrest at 12:23 PM
5 Comments:
Hey Jason.
Sorry to hear about your Grandfather's passing. I'm sure you will always treasure the time you spent with him last Thanksgiving. Glad to hear Sadie is doing fine, though. So you're dating "a few" people? But, guess that's nothing new for you? Just keep it all cool .........
And, Jason, find some time to enjoy and relax in Florida the end of the week.
Take care.
Paul
First of all I am sorry to hear of your grandfathers passing.
Whats wrong with just being friends Jason? We all know the trepidations of a relationship with a BiPolar. Parke and I were both! when we were Both down in the dumps we were screaming at each other eww not pretty! When we both at our high point we were bouncing off the walls with crazy sex and PARTY PARTY!
Thank God most of the time we balanced each other out (going up while he was going down) but we had our early rough period and we were friends FIRST.
Get to be best friends then go forward and this time talk about your feelings and his their is simply NO reason not to communicate.
If you cannot explain your emotions, what your feeling to him in person as well as you did here.
Then you have a problem.
If he simply does not understand you,
You have a bigger problem.
If you settle for friendship is that really a loss?
So glad to hear about Sadie I was getting worried!
Finally I love that picture of Chi Chi she is going to Eat you ALIVE! LOL
All the best Jason
great post. sorry to hear about your grandfather the death of anyone close is always hard but at least you'll be with family to help. good to hear about sadie though. and thanks for the heads up on the batman youtube links i loved that show growing up it was so awesome. as for that loser whose pushing your buttons drop him. yeah he makes you feel great and what not but the lows sound quite horrid and really mean. if he cared about you he wouldn't be such a dick. it's really not worth it.
Cheers!
oh and try out a sensory deprivation tank in stead of E their not as cheap but they're safer and way better! i speak from experience the high is ten times better and far more exciting and lasting
Paul - Was great seeing you the other week! You should come out more and I will try to make it to The Other Side more often when I get back from Florida. By "dating" I just mean, getting to know people, going to dinner, that sort of thing. Not like I have multiple boyfriends or anything! lol I'm sure when one comes along who makes me not want to see anyone else, I won't be dating multiple people. That happened last year actually, but was unfortunately short lived. *sigh* Ah well. I just thank God I'm not one of those people who "needs" someone to feel complete. xo L, J.
Dewayne - There's nothing wrong with being friends at all. That's the conclusion I reached as well. And to be honest, I'll tell you since you know my history here, I do sometimes wonder if I don't find myself emotionally attaching myself to my friends (the one mentioned here isn't the only one oh no, as Yoda said in Empire, "There is another.") these days because it's the only thing of love I've ever really known. The longest-term most real relationship I ever had was with someone who was my best friend five years before we fell in love. So I have had to really look in the mirror here and I still don't have a clear answer. I suspect though that my falling for friends is a side effect of my last relationship. On the other hand, I would want for the person I spend the rest of my life with to be my best friend. And yet the healthiest relationship, the most intense and the most important person I've dated since then has been someone who I was not friends with at all first -- it was so sudden. So I'm utterly corn-fuzed on the subject you see. I have been for quite a while. I'm not losing sleep over it or anything but I just know there's a big question mark hovering there and I'm still looking for answers. xo L, J.
Geek - I actually didn't mean to make him sound like such an ogre! lol... He's actually a very nice guy. He just doesn't know who he is much less what he wants. And that's fine. We've all got our own journey, ya know? What is that corny song about having "been to paradise but never been to me?" lol... The sensory dep tank sounds fun. Do you have one? I'll be right over. xo L, J.
H,Jas, sounds like lots of god stuff is happening, your life is interesting, great you had that conncetion with your grand dad, with your boyfriend you need to acknowledge what is wrong to fix it( I hate that word, but couldn't find a better one,)as long as his behaviour is not abusive, you need to just forgive yourself and him for not being the poeple you ideally would like to be. My first reiki techer use to always say perfectionism is a curse.think about:)*i love . 'A Course in Miracles" and it would say you just acknowledge thatyou are exactky where you are meant to be, if yu could to better you would , just use the resources you have the best way, that doen't mean tolerating unethical or abusive behaviour if it is present.
hope to hear from you
soon
hugs
M
ps, great sadie is ok
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