Just When I Thought White Party Was A Bust... The Straight Marines Saved Me From The Butt Pirates

I had never been to White Party before, namely because the "oonce oonce" music is not my thing, but when I heard I could spend the night with Chi Chi LaRue in her DJ booth, watch Lady Gaga perform live, book my DV8 Casting stud Phillip Aubrey to perform at the event and drive up/crash with my friend C1R exclusive Jeremy Bilding, how could I refuse?

I arrived at The Wyndham (Downtown Palm Springs) late in the afternoon and got the party started in the suite that belonged to Joe Kenan, Jonathan Chang and Bobby Trendy. What a fun room that was! Dozens and dozens of bottles of vodka, mixers continuously being brought up to the room, a fabulous balcony to wave to all our friends outside the pool party and a bunch of hot half-naked boys walking around, some of whom were friends of mine and some of whom were total strangers. When it wasn't too crowded, it was really a total blast! (I prefer it more intimate so I don't get insecure or have to feel like I have to be "on" or whatever the stupidity that runs through my head among crowds makes me insist I need some kind of mental preparation or running head start to face them in a voice mimicking Liza Minnelli. Listen, it's a job. I can't just BE me, it must require some kind of work, no?!) Those fuckers know how to throw one fabulous party!

After a few drinks, I got ready in their suite and then headed to Chi Chi LaRue's room where she was getting ready with her friend RiRi. (I adore RiRi even more after this trip, as I discovered she is a HUGE fan of Tori Amos! The look on Chi Chi's face whenever we would start talking Tori was priceless. It was like we were speaking a foreign language.)

Phillip Aubrey and Jeremy Bilding were getting their masks spray painted on when Chi Chi, RiRi and Me Me treked on down to the White Party to set up before they opened their doors.

We moved some furniture around, yelled at some people who weren't doing their job right, got a few drinks in us and by the time White Party was opening, we were ready to go! Lots of porn star friends in attendance: Tory Mason, Brandon Baker, Alessandro Del Toro, Roman Heart, Benjamin Bradley, Robbie Ireland and more.

The main room was the "oonce oonce" I dread, so I held court in Chi Chi's booth with Ri pretty much the entire evening until Gaga (who visited the booth at one point!) began her performance. I am a HUGE fan of Lady Gaga and believe she could really change the face of pop music by bringing true talent back. She writes her own material, arranges it, makes her clothes, envisions her stage show and videos -- she's got a lot of creativity and is a true artist as opposed to manufactured by the studios. ...That's why I have to say I was disappointed in her White Party performance.

For one thing, she went on nearly an hour late and for a crowd of people who were so drunk or high they couldn't sit still for five minutes, that was a little painful. Her song choices were not so hot either, opening with a full version of a slower song like "Paparazzi," performed way in the back of the stage at that, was a huge energy drainer. What's more, Gaga is an incredible live vocalist. She's made a point to say in interviews that even when she dances, she sings live. Well, whoever was working the audio at White Party must not have been informed because we could only really hear her when she was screaming the notes. For some reason, her backing vocal was louder than her actual mike and to watch someone who prides themselves on live vocals and not be able to even hear them, the whole thing was just a bit of a bore. People started leaving and heading back to Chi Chi's room before Gaga was even finished.

Ever the consuming professional, LaRue decided to oblige and continue DJ'ing past her scheduled hours. Which would have been fantastic if it weren't for the fact that they stopped serving liquor at 2 am and I hadn't had a drink since we started watching Gaga. So by 3, I was completely sober and by 4, I was completely annoyed! The DJ booth was no longer a buffer for some reason. It was packed with people no one knew. Masses of sweat-drenched people rubbing up next to me, screaming things I couldn't understand into my ear to the point that my face was drenched in their spit.

I couldn't have been more ready to go. Lots of after party fun to be had I'm certain, but I seriously couldn't take one more loud, sweaty, spitting obnoxious soul ... and I was D-U-N, DONE! Never been more done.

At 4:30 in the morning at the Jack In The Box drive-thru with Jeremy Bidling I thought aloud, "Ya know... kind of a bust!" I could have listened to music, hung in a DJ booth and partied with my friends in West Hollywood any night of the week. I didn't need to come all the way out to the desert for the same thing and the same people I get every night.

Jeremy and I crashed and decided we would leave first thing in the morning.

I awakened to a text from Joe Kenan inviting me to Easter brunch with Trendy, Chang and the gang. Jeremy and I agreed to go and then head back to Los Angeles after breakfast.

But mimosas, eggs and destiny, they play funny tricks and we were not to leave Palm Springs so soon. For there in the distance across the street as we enjoyed our Easter on the patio of a wonderful Palm Springs diner, sat a group of young, hot straight guys on the curb. All our eyes had wandered to them at some point and we all began talking about how ridiculously beautiful they were.

The gorgeous gaggle stood and looked as though they were headed onward until they heard me scream, buzzed from champs and orange, "No, no, no, no, NO!"

One of them heard us. He turned and looked right at me. He threw his shoulders back and started walking briskly towards our table on the patio of the restaurant. The others followed suit. Meanwhile, my fellow diners put their heads either down, in their hands or averted their gaze and mumbled something like, "JASON... WHAT... DID YOU JUST DO? You're GOING to get us KILLED."

I knew otherwise.

Quoting DeNiro but not even realizing it, the guy approached with a, "You talkin' to me?"

I told him we didn't want them to leave because we thought they were hot. He explained to us that they weren't gay and I told them I didn't really care. Then he told us they were marines from 29 Palms and had spent the weekend in Palm Springs and were headed back.

I told them about the Kenan/Chang/Trendy suite at The Wyndham and asked if they wanted to come party with us, saying that we would take care of them. They looked at each other hesitantly, as though they were waiting for just one of them to say yes. They couldn't seem to make up their mind so I said we would let them discuss it while we pay for our food and then meet them across the street.

Leaving the restaurant, someone said, "Please tell me you're not going back over there to talk to them again," still convinced we would be killed.

"Of course I am!" I laughed.

I couldn't stop staring at the most gorgeous of them all so I zeroed in on him, namely because I couldn't move my eyes from his. And when I told him of the many bottles of vodka and other "varieties" of fun to be had in the suite... this hot straight 23 year old marine with his broad shoulders, perfect stomach and crystal blue eyes, bolted up and said to his friends, "I'm out. I'm going with him. You fuckers can stay for all I care. He's my new best friend," and started to walk with me back to the hotel. Naturally, the others followed suit.

"Well, if we're going to show you a good party, you'll have to take your shirt off," I told him.

In the middle of the street, he tore it off and said, "Let's go."

Again, his friends followed suit.

And so just like the marines saved them from the pirates last week, so they also saved me. We all proceeded to get incredibly fucked up between the hours of noon and midnight and the two hottest are, of course, interested in getting into porn after they heard the kind of money they could make and after I got them a little more... "comfortable" with the idea following some experimentation. ;-)

They are coming to stay at The Mans and shoot photos with me in Los Angeles this week or weekend so you'll see pics of them soon.

I think the most gratifying thing was how happy they were. These are guys who have never been taken care of like we took care of them. They don't have people looking to show them a good time. They are always trying to show girls a good time on a budget of 50 bucks. So to be treated like kings and worshiped and utterly loved by us, they quickly realized, regardless of our gender, felt amazing.

And the two I mentioned before who are coming out to shoot with me, beyond them just being hot as hell and us getting completely shit faced together, we actually had a good time! I mean, we talked for 12 hours! They were guys I'd actually be friends with. We had fun together. It was really something.

That Sunday was without question one of the most wild, crazy, unexpected, and thoroughly enjoyable adventures I've ever had. It's days like those, where the Universe just places these things in front of me, that make me remember I'm born to be in this industry and do what I do for a living.

After all, how many stories like these have you heard from me over the past 10 years?

And how many times have they happened to you?

My life..... is amazing. What did I ever do to deserve it?

P.S.: Thank you, Jeremy Bilding, for taking care of me. ...And for waiting. ;-)