Ambitious, Grateful, REALLY Excited...

Though I've been working at it under the radar for the last week or so, this morning I made the official announcement that I am becoming a manager for a select group of gay porn performers and launching DV8 Casting along with a new web site, DV8Casting.com.

I have to say, I'm more excited than I expected to be. Like, really REALLY excited!

This feels... really, really right.

The weird thing is, I've had guys ask me to manage them for years and always said I had no interest in it. But since David Forest is no longer managing talent (who if I'd ever tried competing with would have made my life a living hell, besides which, he was always one of my biggest advocates and supporters and I never wanted to lose his friendship) and I have really graciously received the blessing of Howard Andrew, it just seemed like the time was right.

I hemmed and hawed over it for many months and the second I finally decided, "Okay, look I'm just gonna do this and see what happens," within 24 hours I had negotiated Josh Griffin on his Jet Set Men debut movie in this year's GayVN Hall of Fame inductee Chris Steele's football-themed movie"Tackle," and booked Phillip Aubrey as the LEAD in Chi Chi LaRue's biggest budget movie so far this year, "TAKE," where the ENTIRE movie is centered around him! ... In 24 hours!

I took it as a big sign. I bought DV8Casting.com, had my trusty web team start on the web site and voila!

So, I announce all of this the eve of The 2009 GayVN Awards, one of the biggest nights in the gay erotic film industry. But I've decided I'm not heading up to San Francisco for the big GayVN weekend. I am going to be a good boy and rest this weekend so that I can be at my desk bright and early on Monday morning and start sending these boys out!

It's so weird, it feels like I'm starting a new job on Monday morning or something!

I guess I am.

You know, I said this to Howard Andrew when he was on my Internet talk show a few months back and I didn't really realize I actually felt this way until the words were coming out of my mouth...

I can tell you after having been here for over a decade, you go through many different stages when you work in adult entertainment. At first it's like being a kid in a candy store and living this incredible dream life that everyone wants to live. Then, as the years go by, working around gorgeous naked men loses it's thrill, sort of like what your mom used to tell you about how no matter what your favorite food is, if you eat it every single day you're eventually going to hate it.

Then you start thinking about all of the things you wanted to do with your life or your career but instead devoted so much time to this industry and so you start to resent it heavily. Even Chi Chi LaRue once said in an interview that "this thing" was a hole she'd dug herself that she could never get out of and that she wakes up several mornings wishing she were doing anything but this for a living.

But...

Then, if you're unfortunate enough, or maybe really fortunate... you experience some tragedies in your life. You lose some things you never thought you'd lose or things that you once thought were forever you come to realize are not.

And as it's all crumbling around you, you look around and you see this amazing, dysfunctional, incestuous family that you're in and you're so grateful you have them. You see the in roads that you've made and how what you've done has affected an entire industry. Instead of the lust that comes with being that kid in a candy store... that lust is replaced with love.

It's like the song at the end of the movie "Boogie Nights" goes, "God only knows what I'd be without you."

I'm so, SO glad to be here.

More than I've ever been.