What A Mess!

Wow.

Reading some of my "Diary" archives from a year ago.

I was such a mess. I mean, I wish there was a stronger word than that really. I was a freaking train wreck.

Poor Angel Benton had to listen to me ramble for hours on the phone every night until I could find some semblance of clarity. It's hard enough reading these! I can't imagine the phone calls where I reached the conclusions I would then write about. I have thanked him for that but need to again.

Funny thing is, reading over them, I'm not at all sad. I'm just shocked that I felt the way I did for so long -- the masks and the fear and the...

I need to devote a proper entry to this over the weekend, but it will take me time to construct it and do it justice. For now, let's just say it's amazing what a year can do. Until reading these, I honestly thought the most drastic change was having lost 13 pounds.

But that guy who wrote those entries back in the summer of 2006...

...the one who thought he would never find himself attractive, the one who was literally afraid of being judged going to the grocery store much less something like an audition, the boy with so many masks that when he decided to throw them all out he was completely lost...

Wow, I just don't even recognize him.