The GayVN Awards Go "D-List"

Sitting here, back home again in Los Angeles watching The Academy Awards on ABC, I find myself asking the same question I pose every year: Wouldn't I so much rather be invited there than places like The GayVN Awards?

This is the first year my answer is an unhesitant and totally resounding: No. You would seriously have to pay me to give up my ticket for the GayVN's to fill a seat at the Oscar's.

This year's GayVN Awards, or as the mainstream media has dubbed them "the Oscars of gay pornography," has to be the most entertaining awards show of the season -- straight or gay, mainstream or adult. This is not usually the case. In fact, it's probably never been the case. For the past few years, the GayVN's have "scaled down" being held at a night club in West Hollywood where Chi Chi LaRue has managed to single-handedly keep the crowd laughing and the energy flowing as she practically hands out the trophies all by her lonesome. Even before the downsizing of the show though, even back when I first entered the biz as the hilarious Bruce Vilanch was hosting and the multi-talented RuPaul was performing, nothing has ever in the history of the GayVN's compared to Saturday, February 24th at The Castro Theater in San Francisco. This is much in part thanks to the tremendous organization of GayVN heads Doug Oliver (now sadly leaving us to enjoy retirement) and Chad Beecher -- but even more thanks is due to the most mainstream host this show has ever had, reality TV star and stand-up comedianne, Kathy Griffin.

Griffin, whose father had passed just days earlier, was the consumate professional, not only making her scheduled appearance, but being way more outrageous and scandalous than her television or stand-up acts usually allow. "There's nowhere I would rather be tonight than here with you," she said. "You may have heard that my father passed away and if it weren't for my gays asking me to be here with you on your special night, I would probably be home crying right now."

The only emotional moment of the evening out of the way, Kathy got the ball rolling immediately after and thanks to her, the hilarity ensued non-fucking-stop. After six standing ovations throughout the night, I stopped counting. People were so impressed by her, they were doing anything they could to give her awards left and right. GayVN inducted her into their Hall of Fame as an "honorary gay" with a trophy. NakedSword presented her with an award as the first ever NakedSwordsWoman. "I have no idea what this means but I love it," she laughed.

Not only did she perform an entire stand-up act as an opening monologue, taking on the recent antics of Britney Spears and Paula Abdul, but she introduced each presenter with improvised material and even did her homework, commenting on the movies themselves and even incidents from GayVN Awards past like the Michael Lucas "ice throwing" incident. And if all of this wasn't enough to surprise us, her dropping to her knees at Tyler Riggz' crotch, helping him take his shirt off was enough to shock all of us into being her bitch boys for life.

Thankfully, all of this was captured by Kathy's cameras for her television show, My Life on the D-List.

But in the meantime, here is an exclusive first look at Kathy's opening monologue as she gives her take on nominated films like Justice, Michael Lucas' La Dolce Vita and Delinquents.



And Erik Rhodes is going to love me forever for this one! Yes, I managed to capture his entire on stage encounter with Griffin on tape. Take a look at their hot chance encounter.



So! Jason's personal highlights of the evening, right? You can get the other shit just about everywhere else. So let's get to the good stuff.

Caleb Carter had an evening full of ups and downs. Though I had easily a dozen people tell me he looked hotter than they were really able to fathom, he was severely booed from the stage when he quipped that Kathy Griffin was wearing a watch from Target. It wasn't the joke that was bad, but the execution of it! If he had said, "She's wearing a watch from Target. How fabulous is that?!" everyone would have cheered. But instead, he made the mistake of saying, "She's wearing a watch from Target. That's all I have to say!" People thought it was a put down and though he tried to back peddle, it wasn't working.

My choice of Best Dressed for the evening was definitely couple Christian Owen and Adam Killian. They were sharply dressed in attire that would've made Mr. Peanut and the WB frog proud. All they needed were canes and to start singing. It would've been Porn: The Musical!

Of course, you can get a full list of winners at GayVN.com but why bother? Michael Lucas' La Dolce Vita pretty much took every category imaginable. All the ones that counted, at least. It was Lucas's year to shine and he broke the industry's record for most awards won by a single video. His arm candy for the evening was his co-star, Vivid contract girl Savannah Sampson, who won Best Non-Sex Performance for her role in the movie, tying with Paul Baressi for his work in The Velvet Mafia, shockingly one of Falcon's only wins.

The most shocking thing of all though is that when Lucas won the final award of the evening, Best Picture, the audience was so exasperated with his many wins that over half of the auditorium stood up and started to leave before Lucas even made it to the stage to give his um-hundreth acceptance speech.

Damon Phoenix is dating... get this! A drag diva! Or is she a tranny? I think she's just a draggie. (See photo below.) Yup. They're living together. And very happy! Craziest thing of all? I think it could last for a while! They've got staying power. I think the bitch is adorable and they make a cute couple!

A very sober Erik Rhodes introduced us all to his new boyfriend of four months now as his date. (Also, see photo below!) His boyfriend has no interest in getting involved in front of the camera and they seem very much in love.

Danny Roddick and Alex Chandler have split again and this time it's for real. They gave it one last shot a few months back, but the relationship has just played itself out and they are both moving on.

Jason Ridge said he's dating Caleb Carter now and that he fucked him earlier in the day. There's a couple that will last a few weeks and we can only hope one of MTV's many shows that Caleb has been on will be there to capture it.

Jesse Santana's boyfriend Josh was showing off lots of skin at the after party! (And yet again, see photos below.) I think it's safe to say you'll see him starring with Jesse sooner than later.

Rod Barry approached his former manager David Forest in streaming tears, pleading forgiveness for having agreed to cooperate with police about the Meet the Stars program during Forest's trial last year. Forest forgave him and it was quite the scene!

Harlow Cuadra, whose name has been linked with the Bryan Kocis murder scandal, was seen in the audience, clearly not "on the run," as previously reported.

As they were about to list the movie nominees for Best Sex Comedy, Andy Kirra screamed from the audience, "Brandon Baker!" People were in tears from laughing so hard.

I spent quite a bit of time with Scott Boardman during and after the ceremony believe it or not. He asked me several times to appear at Cocktails with the Stars this Thursday night to dish with him on the gossip of The GayVN Awards. I'm not sure how that will work out with me being banned from Micky's, but I'm definitely up for it if they are and will let you know on the "News Desk" if I will, indeed, be there.

Gino Colbert presenting the Hall of Famers this year was just a vision of perfection. His professionalism, his research into the inductees, his suit -- he is the ultimate pro and no one could've done it better!

I have had a lot of porn stars pull some extremely "sweet" favors in hopes of getting me to write good things about them (you can only imagine!), but never has anyone done anything so sweet as to send me a cake in the mail every month. Falcon Studios exclusive Ashton Star, who was doning a Clark Kent look for the evening as one of the trophy boys, is in culinary school and specializes in pastries. And so, I have been enrolled in Ashton's Cake of the Month Club. Of which, I am the only member. Ashton, my favorite is red velvet and I will be glad to review your pastries as well as your anal expeditions.

I made my way backstage to see Kathy Griffin after the show and we bonded over our mutal hatred for Ryan Seacrest -- me because he insinuated I was a porn star on his show and tried to sue me for using his last name (it is, by the way, my real name) and she because he axed her from working for E!'s red carpet because she's prettier and funnier than he'll ever be. She was such an inspiration to me as a host, not only because of her incredible talent, but even more because of her work ethic. Truly to be admired.

Kathy Griffin did more for the gay porn industry in two hours than anyone did with their movies this year. And with the entire thing being captured and soon to be aired on the third season of her Bravo show, My Life on the D-List, The GayVN Awards are going to become a really hot ticket for many years to come.