Kyle & Jason Go To Knott's Scary Farm

After trying all month to get a group together and not being able to decide on a date, Kyle Foxxx and I said "fuck it" tonight and went to Knott's Scary Farm on our own. Initially, I was a little worried about this because I am a total pussy when it comes to theme parks and won't ride any roller coasters that go upside down or backwards or anything like that. I was concerned Kyle might need someone to go on those rides with him and I didn't want him to be disappointed or let down by the experience. As it turns out, I may never go to an amusement park with anyone else again! Kyle was the PERFECT theme park companion, namely because he woosed out just as much as me, if not more so!

We started the night at my favorite part of the annual haunt, Mrs. Knott's Pre-Scare Dinner Buffet. Mmm hmm. You know it! Mrs. Knott's knows how to make her some fried chicken. And that boysenberry juice?! To die for! The only awful thing about dinner is that there was this bimbo sitting at the table next to us who wouldn't stop screaming at the top of her fake tits anytime one of the monsters walked by. Naturally, this kept the monsters tormenting her and kept her screaming like she was in labor throughout our dinner. Imagine, if you will, trying to eat dinner in a medieval torture chamber in operation. That's what it sounded like! A little distracting, but not enough to keep us from enjoying the delish feast!

Kyle and I agreed that our favorite ride was the log ride. We went on it twice. They really extended it this year! We also loved watching The Hanging in Calico Square where this year's victim was none other than Mel Gibson and boy did they let him have it! They also took on everyone from K-Fed to Johnny Depp to the Brokeback Mountain boys, during which part, everyone turned to look at us for our reaction. What? We're gonna laugh at everyone else's expense but our own? Other highlights included the new Vegas themed haunted house with shemale like strippers in 3D and scaring the fuck out of Kyle in the cemetery where you stand on one of the graves and feel a heart beating under your feet.

Low lights included the new Grudge maze which is about as lame as the movie. There was so much black hair all over the place, it felt like a fucking Cher concert. Neither of us were impressed. Hatchet High was a little traumatic for Kyle considering some high school horrors of his own that he has yet to get passed. But the real kicker of the night was when we were getting on the Scrambler and a 7 year old girl called Kyle a faggot! He was having none of that shit. At first, I think he wanted to start calling her names in return or just get into a staring contest with her until he made the bitch cry. I managed to explain to him that no 7 year old girl has any concept of what that word even means and she's just heard it elsewhere and is ignorant to its hatefulness. Kyle agreed, but wasn't about to give in. He marched right up to her and her friends after the ride and asked, "Where are your parents?" The girl asked why and he said, "I'm not about to debate this with you. I want to know where your parents are and I want to know now." She took off running and Kyle followed. When he found her, she was with her mom and dad and he explained what had happened. The girl, of course, tried to turn it around and say that we called HER a faggot! *eyes roll* Girl, you better learn to lie a little better than that. What are you, Towlie? "You're a towel!" Anyway, the mother apologized and said that she would have a long talk with her daughter. I was impressed! I thought Kyle handled the situation perfectly and that it was quite commendable. Where I probably would've just let the whole thing roll off my back, Kyle sought out an opportunity to fix the problem instead of ignore it. I was inspired by his actions and his bravery.

His bravery, however, did not extend to any of the rides or haunted houses. He was clutching me for dear life and screaming his way through the night. It was kind of cute, really! I think he nearly broke my wrist at one point! Now, I'm very easily scared by these things too, so to be with someone who was even more scared than me for once was just a little slice of heaven.

We talked life on the way home, dished on our insecurities and why we are who we are today. Every time I hang out with Kyle, I get to know him more and the more I get to know him, the more I like him. We have so much in common and he is becoming such a great friend. Still, it's not the same without his boyfriend, Brandon Baker, around to always liven things up. He was sorely missed by us both but I'm sure he's having the time of his life in Berlin. Neither of us can wait for him to get home this week and hear all about his adventures! ;-)